Luke vs. the Sleep

Fucking Genius
The new Perry Bible Fellowship strikes quite close to home this week after too many video games
and not enough sleep for this guy.

Spearfish Music Update

I was pretty bummed that Boyz on Parade broke up (in fact I was enraged) but they then informed me that they are just renaming themselves and throwing away most of their songs. That information would have been useful. Keep an eye out for I Am Fail.

M.T. Bateaux
Laramie/Rapid City have something to be proud of. M.T. Bateaux is a pretty fantastic solo effort from this guy I met on campus randomly. For some reason him and all his friends remember seeing me at shows back home in South Dakota but I never recognized any of them until coming to college. What can you do I suppose. Anyway, this guy is Benjamin, I don't really know him that well but I was more than impressed by his music. Give him some props.

I pretty much always vow to swear off video games but for some reason or another I've gotten into them again. Who needs things like literature/music/art when you can pump flashing graphics into your head? Recent plays:

Soccer a Go-Go
Super Mario Strikers is pretty much one of the most instantly addicting games ever. The Mario franchise is freaking flawless, as if it isn't exciting enough to be play soccer where you can body check people into electric fences, you can use Toads to slam their mushroom-heads into Donkey Kong and topple him over like a damn cripple. Won't be jumping any barrels in the near future, will I, DK?

Good Wing Gabba
So as a child I never played any part of the Star Fox franchise, but after playing the original for SNES yesterday I am pretty much hooked on blowing the shit out of little prisms and octagons.

We Are Venom
Ultimate Spider-Man has been a bastard. Playing through the sandbox environment is awesome, good graphics(with few minor flaws), and web slinging has never been this much fun. Beating Venom in the last level has proved to be more than a challenge (ending with me kicking and screaming on the floor after about an hour of constant kicks and web-zips). Besides the sort of (okay, ridiculous) silly banter this game is a fucking winner. But, this Spider-Man has an ARCHAIC costume! How can we deal with that!

Wow, maybe I should put down the controller.


10:00am is Much Too Early

Greetings. Well, due to lack of ideas here's the Top Three hardcore records of the 1980's. You might be thinking to yourself "Well, Luke you really only existed for half of the 80's and in those five years all you did was watch cartoons and eat food." And I'd say "Well, no shit."

Gorilla Biscuits - "Start Today"
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It's the record that says it all. Late in the 1980's in New York City, Sunday Matinees at CBGB's were all the rage; kids could go see a show and be back in time for school the next day! Gorilla Biscuits happened to be a part of this whole "youth-crew" movement, putting music back into the hands of kids who were completely straight-edge, and completely not old enough to buy cigarettes or booze. This record changed a hell of a lot of things. Gorilla Biscuits weren't forgettable prior to this record. Their original demo and self-titled recordings were...intimidating to say the least. But they 'broke down the walls' (oh what shtick) by creating music that revolved around positivity, vegetarianism, and of course, fun! This is notably one of the first times that music that was furious came head-to-head with awesome melodies and more-than-memorable lyrics and crew-style sing-a-longs. A mind blowing band in every sense of the phrase.

Minor Threat - "Minor Threat"
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Minor Threat, without a doubt, created an aggression to punk rock music that was only paralleled by other D.C. greats of their day (S.O.A., Bad Brains, etc.). Their self-titled record was short and sweet, as most hardcore was in their day; their record played like a circle pit in your head; their lyrics were as simple as they were profound. The late projects of this band obviously get more noteriety (Fugazi, Bad Religion, etc.) but this band re-wrote the rule book for the 1980's. Stand up! And be counted!

Black Flag - "Damaged"
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Arguably the first hardcore band (I say arguably because well it's not like anybody announced themself as a genre, obviously) and an incredibly significant one. This is what dissonance and chaos are all about. Greg Ginn basically set up everything for hardcore to become more than just 4/4 time and power chords. From incredibly funny social satire to songs of just being pissed off, Black Flag's name isn't going anywhere.



Top Five (three) Hardcore Records of the Last Ten years
Well the time is here everybody. Per Colin's suggestion I'm here to lay down the law (my musical opinion) for all of you. In my complete morning haze I'm currently attempting to rip tracks to give you all samples of all these fine, fine works of art (using this fine program). In any case, let's start today's lesson.

Snapcase - "End Transmission"
Number fucking one. One of the most underrated albums that noone has taken influence from since its inception. In their last studio record, Snapcase openly created an incredible new atmosphere surrounding hardcore. The hardcore tracks come off in a mathy and almost robotic way; creative in beats and guitar rhythms. Interludes mapping tracks together are flawless("Cadence" and the end of "A Synthesis of Classic Forms"). Snapcase took drastic changes on this record, openly taking their influences from Fugazi and At the Drive-In (arguable some of the best non-hardcore bands in recent memory). I have clear biases on placing this record at Number 1. They were my first new-age hardcore band, seeing them live was something close to mecca for me, and their videos were nothing short of visual candy. I hope that maybe for once people can see that these guys were absolute geniuses (anyone who covers Devo and Helmet in the same record is obviously in this category) and maybe I won't just look like some fanboy for the next ten years.

Refused - "The Shape of Punk to Come"
Arguably, most people's choice for Number 1 but I just couldn't do it. It was a tough call, don't get me wrong, but a secure Number 2 I think is more than satisfactory for this record. "The Shape..." is an all-around solid record. Refused were a semi-forgettable band leading up to this album. But these young lads went from dreadlocks in Sweden, to scary ass masks in their groundbreaking video for "New Noise"(proving there is absolutely nothing wrong with an old-fashioned performance video with awesome costumes).

The album opens up with some pretty prolific quoting: "They told me the classics never go out of style, but they do, they do. Somehow baby, I never thought that we do too." Opposed to some bands who may just quote something just for the sake of quoting them, this one actually speaks for the record. As you will notice later on in this list, most of these records come from the later years of the 1990's and early 2000's. There's a reason for this. Granted, bands like Earth Crisis and Madball did incredible things in melding hardcore with metal in the early '90s but these are hardly significant records that pushed boundaries in creative processes. Bands may have delved in adding different elements to their sound prior to this but Refused were nothing but groundbreaking in what they did. The use of strings in "Tannhauser / Derive" makes an epic hardcore song all that much more epic. With the sounds of what sounds like a black and white horror movie it is chilling at the same time moving. Techno interludes like those in "Bruitist Pome #5" are appealing to fans of hardcore and house alike. One of the more straight-forward tracks is the title track in which they use different sound effects, not to mention break away from routine of 4/4 breakdowns. I could talk about this record forever and it appears I already have. Buy this.

Shai Hulud - "Hearts Once Nourished With Hope and Compassion"
Extremely long song and album titles aside Shai Hulud did it right. Their combination of hardcore, metal, and melody was done flawlessly on this record. Ringing in at a fine nine songs, it meets perfect length for a hardcore record. Shai Hulud defeinitely stepped it up in their debut full-length by showing what my faithful friend Andrew would call "the sweet teat of melodic hardcore." There are few bands that have matched what Shai Hulud did in their short-to-medium career-span (exception being their brother band Strongarm in which they shared drummers as well as influences). Notably what caught my ear about Shai was their track "A Profound Hatred of Man". I've never been a words guy, I mean clearly by reading any of my blogs you can see that I'm semi-illiterate, but all that aside poetry/lyrics never strike me...ever. This song excluded. Probably a combination of being in high school and having 'teen angst' but the lyrics to this song and album are amazing. Do yourself a favor, get your sandworm on.

I can't type anymore, I'm going dizzy.
This was going to be five but I can't concentrate any longer.
Besides the choices for 4 and 5 weren't as totally awesome as the first three so three is a solid number to go with. Research, enjoy, stay rad.


I Sold My Soul for Charles Mingus

Hi everybody. I'm glad to be welcomed in by the wonderful Colin Moon on this occassion (see, I can do html too)and I hope I can live up to true Never News expectations. This is just a preliminary blog since I can't be positively sure if I'll be able to post in the real hours of tomorrow (current time-2:35am) so here I go with a few things.

You Had Me at Locust
Scott Smallin photography seems to be a pretty damn decent site. Features slideshows from great labels like Omar Rodriguez Lopez's Gold Standard Labs and Justin Pearson's Three One G(which as it turns out I hate pretty much everything on this label except bands that Justin Pearson is actually in. In any case he actually has creative model photography as well as quite festive wedding photos.

Shiver Me Fuckin' Timbers
The latest from our good friends at Perry Bible Fellowship.

We Can At Least Attempt to Be Black
After the winter break, I've become enriched in the worlds of jazz. I've become highly addicted to reading extensive biographies on Wikipedia of greats like Jimmy Smith, Charlie Parker, and the aforementioned Charles Mingus. These were some interesting cats to say in the very least.

Well that's all I have for you now. I'm not a supreme-o web browser so that's about as much as you get out of me. Later in this week I'll let you in such great things as:
Luke's Incredibly Important Music Opinions!
Luke's Incredibly Long Music Rants!
Luke's Current Obsessions in Comic Books!
And More!

Stay tuned.
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Brief Weekend Post

Home Again

I'm back. So, a post before Luke starts over—I'm not sure I'll be home this coming weekend but, if I am, expect a brief and belated post.

Last Night's Party goes to Sundance

Last Night's Party went to the Sundance Film Festival while I was out; there are three galleries of photos that are entitled Sundance colon feature, all worth a good check out. Some smallish celebs.

I found this somewhere

I found this somewhere (I don't remember where). It works best if you use iTunes, as said program has all the features needed.

Crack open your music player.

How many songs are listed?

Sort by artist:
First artist: 'Mericans
Last artist: ZZZ

Sort by song title:
First Song: “'77” - Red Animal War
Last Song: “Ziggy Stardust” - David Bowie

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: “Ghosts 'n' Goblins – Intro” - The Advantage
Longest Song: “Off White Room” - The Album Leaf

Sort by album:
First Album: “"This Is Our Punk-Rock," Thee Rusted Satellites Gather +Sing,” - A Silver Mt. Zion
Last Album: “Your Funeral...My Trial” - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

First song that comes up on shuffle: “Stephanie Says” - The Velvet Underground

How many songs come up when you search for “sex”? 14

How many songs come up when you search for “death”? 101

How many songs come up when you search for “love”? 271

How many songs come up when you search for “the”? 2559

Precious pornstar


Aw. Here's Peachez' site.

Video Casts

KitKast is a blog in video form; Ms. Kitka lays around in her underwear and informs us on late-breaking news in the worlds of porn, stripping, and sex. All in all, a good time.

Any other video casts out there? Sex or non-sex, it's all good; especially in the realms of literature (which I'm looking for general podcasts for) and art. If so, email me.



So, how about those posts from Jeremy? Magical, eh?

I got back last night around six, responded to 29 emails from various Suicide Girls about a book I'm putting together (more on that later), and found that Jeremy didn't post. Meh, no biggie. I still love the bastard.

Miranda July to marry Colin Moon

No. Not really.

Good news!

I've been figuring out how to get my novel, Traveling Light finished up, and I've solved the problem—Jeremy #1 and I will be creating a website to chronicle the whole journey of the book, through the writing, photographing, and (hopefully) publication of the thing.

So far I have about 32-36 models; 29 of which are Suicide Girls who have expressed interest. Which is huge!

Working up the money

I've been working on the weekdays to make up enough money to release the Phantasmagoria record as well as travel to the far corners of the internet-infected globe to shoot all those models for the book (as far as Germany, the UK, and {maybe} Italy).

Currently, I find myself in Sun Valley; the Jackson Hole/Park City of Idaho. The 'affordable' condos that I'm doing base and door/window trim is, get this, 600 thousand dollars. While I was out there (it's about a four hour drive from Star Valley), I found this amazing little bookstore in downtown Ketchum, Idaho – Iconoclast Books, which has three locations around the Sun Valley area. I walked in and was instantly in love—I had expected some trite Oprah's Book Club type store (because, let's face it, ski-towns usually aren't known for their exploration of ideas) and, instead, found a indie-haven. The employees were sweet, funny, indie, and cute. I went in looking for a copy of Dracula (more on that tomorrow), and instead I picked up a copy of the winter 2005 issue of Zing, which I was surprised to find included a sampler of French bands, Issue twenty of Skyscraper, The Sex Issue of Heeb (with Sarah Silverman on the cover!), and a copy of Salmagundi (which I mistook to be a literary quarterly, but which is, in reality, a social science review).

This is the type of bookstore I've been missing for some time. I've been to a few here and there (mostly there), but Wyoming seems to be devoid of such wonders. Laramie's closest is either Hastings or The Grand Newsstand. Jackson has a used bookstore and a comic store. Is there anywhere this rad in Wyoming? Help!

At any rate, Zing is pretty, I haven't read Skyscraper or Heeb, and Salmagundi looks to be quite a time.

What kids are learning these days

Looking around Violet Blue's Tiny Nibbles today, I found this dazzling little number that shows us what Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage programs are teaching kids about sex.

When I was a kid, I didn't know anything about sex (to the point of thinking that the penis went into a woman's butt, and you peed to get them pregnant). All I knew is that my body wanted it. If only I had known about this site, which debuted when I was in the eighth grade (and still horribly under-informed about sex, just the Wyoming way).

Because they were made accessible to me

Cam and Brando discuss Brokeback Mountain:
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Brando loves Daredevil. . .
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as well as She-Hulk:
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Whee! I'm homesick!

Google Vids. So much fun you'll die.

This is so fucking rad, I can't even say it.

So. Damn. Pretty.

I'm a sucker for good photograhy.

Whereas, this isn't so much good as interesting. And not so. Damn. Pretty. As much as so. Damn. Cliché.

Another guest blogger

So, this time, we might actually get guest blogs! By one Noelle Lopez, my friend and soon-to-be model (and, obviously, rad-tastic sex-queen).

Tune in tomorrow to see if she does anything.

And the week after, you ask? Look forward to Luke Jensen's favorite Hardcore records, pre-1990, as well as hardcore lessons for us newbs.

I'll see you kids on Saturday.

Wha. . . Huh?

Since when did porn star get IMDB entries?


A trip away

Guest Blogger #001

So, I'll be headed out of town for the following week. In my stead, I've invited Jeremy Wilkins (known in some circles as '#1') to step in and highlight some online poetry for you kids. I hope you enjoy his stay, as I know I will (while reading the archives next weekend).

Coudal Partners

The Coudal Partners are an interesting group. Not only do they have some funny short films, the also have some excellent experiments for media.


So I've recently begun having some pretty intense erotic dreams about a certain someone. Or two. As a result, I'm starting to think about maybe jumping the gun on my photography project that's meant to compliment my novel, Traveling Light. I'm planning on photographing not only close friends (whom these dreams feature) but, hopefully, a few Suicide Girls and maybe a few indie-artists. The photos will all be of women, some in the nude and some very much not, one per mini-fiction in the novel.

I've already discussed it with Megan, Amber, Noelle, Kate, and have contacted a few Suicide Girls.

What would you guys say to a website/blog dedicated to just those adventures?


So, I'm a nerd. And when I see comic-book characters featured in certain media, it makes me happy. Such as this photo, from the above linked, featuring Suicide Girl Alabama showing her love of the Punisher:

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It makes me want to cuddle up with either her or a stack of Punisher issues, I can't decide with.

Oh, yeah. Her.

Also, here's some Spider-Man, ala SG's

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Sunday, bloody Sunday

Stephen King and Spoon

Wow. Wow.

So, Stephen King has announced that his top single for 2005 was Spoon's “I Summon You”.

For those of you who aren't in the know (and seeing as I only have two regular readers, both good friends, that equals none of you), when I'm not writing trite blogstuffs, I'm a writer of all things non-linear; the passion overtook me while, in the fifth or sixth grade, I read Stephen King's It (and, I know, it's a little dirty for a literary person to admit that one of his favorite novels is a Stephen King novel). The book defined for me, at that age, how stories could be. I've since found other books that do that for me (this and this, for example), but I've never forgotten what I learned from It.

Secondly, I'm in love with music—all music, I won't lie—and Spoon's Kill the Moonlight is, I think, the second-best rock and roll record of the last five years (second, to me, only to Cursive's Domestica). One I heard it, it jumped on me and wouldn't let go—I love the damn record. Gimme Fiction was Spoon's last record, from 2005, and is just as amazing and rocky. Buy it from Merge, as they have just a few copies left that include the bonus EP; you don't want to miss out on that.

Sister Jack (Video)
I Summon You (mp3)

(Thanks to Blog of a Bookslut)

Louise Doughty sets the challenge: Write a Novel in a Year

I'll be there. How about you?

(and, goddammit, Jeremy, you'd better be).

(thanks again to Blog of a Bookslut)

The funniest Bat-Thing ever

Here. You'll laugh at Batman. Laugh!

(yet again, thanks to Blog of a Bookslut)

A true look at Herbie, Fully Loaded

Which, by the way, sounds like a film about not driving drunk. Stephen Notley (of Bob the Angry Flower) reviews Herbie: Fully Loaded.


Take that, Fuckers

Coumbia, Sony/BMG fired a lot of people

The internet needs more nudity

But until that day comes, here are some awesome links:


Last Night's Party is, from what I gathered from a little browsing, one photographer's journey to record various parties via photos, including some racy shots of some pretty intense parties. The same photographer has another site (which is part of the whole thing) called Urban Pin-Up, which is a fantastic set of pin-ups for our generation (a la Suicide Girls).

Boys kill with violence. Girls kill with sex.

Eon McKai is an 'alt-porn' director who too his name from Ian McKay of Discord fame. He uses alt-kids as his models and stars, films them in porn-standard scenarios, and uses the delightful Alaska often for package designs. I downloaded Kill Girl Kill, Kill Girl Kill 2, and Art School Sluts over at Pure T 'N A, and wasn't disappointed—the guy stole my idea to make art porn. The bastard. But, what can you do? I recommend picking up one or all three of these films if you're the least bit interested in pornography, erotica, or erotic modeling. Also, apparently Hillary Duff is a fan. Who knew?

Kill Girl Kill 2 (.mov trailer)

Page France rocks my subtle, indie-folk world

You Ain't No Picasso just posted the 9 Myspace only Page France tracks, and I expect you to go download them.

Page France has released two albums (”Hello, Dear Wind” and “Come, I'm a Lion!”) which I only discovered recently (which doesn't matter, I suppose, seeing as “Hello, Dear Wind” was just released last year), and both have blown me away and worked their way into my steady listening.


Some Music

Where did the Fall go?

Largehearted Boy linked this interesting epic of a man searching for all of the 40-some ex-Fall members. Wow. I always had heard about how crazy Mark E. Smith was (mostly from Chris Boat), and I think this proved it to me.

The thing is epic—43 ex-members and the mystery of what has happened to them:

“Equally, I was worried by the fates of the disappeared. In particular, Karl Burns - who was hired and fired nine times between 1977 and 1998 - seemed to have vanished after punching Smith on stage in the New York meltdown. Several former members worried that he was dead. Some suggested he had "moved to the hills" in Rossendale, Lancashire, but appeals to the area's local papers produced nothing. Riley suggested I "try the prisons", which led me to Ed Blaney, who indeed left the Fall because he was sent to prison ("Dangerous driving," he says). He hadn't seen Burns either.”

This should be turned into a story book, complete with images of fist fights, people being stranded, and Dave/Steve throwing himself under a train.



For the last four days I've been aiming to get out of town and go to Salt Lake City to see my friends Jeremy and (his boyfriend and nicest-boy-in-world) Wilson. I've been sitting in Star Valley for several months(!!!) now, where my routine is as follows:

1 – Wake up.
2 – Read Internet Things.
3 – Put off feeding the animals (yes. Animals. As in farm animals. How the fuck did I end up here?).
4 – Feed the animals.
5 – Read Internet Things.
6 – Sleep.

Of course, I get my fair share of Francine Fink play and the downloading and consideration of music, but that's not really a replacement for the social life I had in Laramie, nor does it scratch the 'collector's itch' that I seem to have built in.

At any rate, it leaves me in the depraved mood where I wander through my house in my underwear and smoke a lot more than I should. I've been mail-ordering like a mother-fucker lately, including but not limited to: Joey (from A Softer World)'s novel, a lot of Saddle Creek/Team Love: The Two Gallants 7”, the live Bright Eyes disc, The Katrina Relief disc, both Jenny Lewis pre-orders, and (I'm not shitting) one of these.

I can't get to a place where I can just pick things up. Laramie was heaven compared to Star Valley—on new music day (Tuesday), I could go browse. I used to bitch about not having a comic store in Laramie. Now I realize that there isn't a video place that has rentals for more than one night (!) (in fact, they're closed on Sunday and also feature the Mormon-friendly 'Clean Flick' option, thus rendering many films meaningless) or a 24-hour convenience store (!!). It's like living in the middle-ages. With the internet.

Save me: tell God to stop snowing or Derek to blow of responsibilities. Or order me a bunch of things and have them shipped to me. So. Bored.

Costly Orgasm

I'm not sure about you, but I don't think anyone needs to drop up to $450 on a toy. Or $1500, either.

Not a toy that doesn't have a cartoon tie-in, anyway.

Fleshbot delivers odd goods

I've been looking over the recent posts over at Fleshbot, and I found this, as well as accompanying links. Go check out the Fleshbot.

Just one of the many (read: tons) of blogs I've been checking out thanks to my Bloglines account. I can't get over how handy the damn thing is, especially in linking me to some of the most bizarre corners of the internet.

Fuck them

U.S. Today's top ten books of 2005 is shameful.

Harry Potter? May I remind you people that '05 saw the release of Ellis' new book, a new Gaiman (which, honestly, I haven't read but assume must be more engaging than Potter), not to mention Black Hole.

I hate them.

Speaking of bad writing,

I just found the first story I ever wrote. I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out of school for it.

Written in fifth grade (when, I think, I had just started reading Stephen King novels), it's set in my old grade school, Holdaway Elementary. Featuring my fifth grade class and (of course) some pretty mean monsters/aliens and a few vampires (my then girlfriend, June, is turned into a vampire by the fourth page), this is the sort of stuff that kids get sent home for now—this and fingernail clippers.

It even mentions Apple II/e's, which were the computers my school district taught us how to type on; ancient relics with green-screens that had text burned into them.