Never News

Trying out Squarespace.

2006-05-28T22:53:00.000Z

Hey, kids. If you've been wondering where I've been, I've been giving Square Space a trial go--all the Never News from the last few days can be found here. Give me some feedback and tell me how you like it--or if I should stick to Blogger.

Review: Melinda and Melinda

2006-05-27T13:28:00.000Z

Film

As I said before, I went on an extended shopping binge last week while in Salt Lake; eleven records and four or five movies. About 20 magazines.

One of the movies:

Melinda and Melinda, Woody Allen

Woody Allen has always been an admirable filmmaker for me; I never really felt justified in saying he was my favorite filmmaker, or even one of my favorite, based in the fact that I have really only seen a small selection of his films (he's directed 42 films, and I've seen maybe six to ten of them).

But I'm giving up the ghost—of the filmmakers I admire (Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach, Sofia Coppola, Gus Van Sant, and Miranda July being my top, current generation filmmakers), Allen is at the top of my list for this reason; while I haven't yet seen his complete directorial career, what I have seen has astonished me. Never once, at the end of a Woody Allen movie, have I said, “Meh. That could have been better.”

Melinda and Melinda is no different; the film's base premise lies in the fact that four friends (two of them playwrights) are discussing the concept of Tragedy and Comedy and how they fit into life. One of these characters is portrayed by the (kind of) legendary character actor Wallace Shawn (who we all remember as Vizzini in the immortal Princess Bride); when a film begins with Shawn, you know you're going to have a good time.

As they discuss, one of the friends decides that he'll tell a story he has recently heard. The two playwrights are then drawn into a discussion of whether this story could be a comedy or a tragedy; we're introduced to Melinda (Radha Mitchell) as she starts her trek as two versions of herself—both stories begin with Melinda barging in on a dinner party. The only difference is based in the circumstances, characters, and tones of story. In the tragic, Melinda arrives, mid-dinner party, at the home of Laurel (the ever brilliant Chloe Sevigny), a childhood friend, and her husband Lee (Johnny Lee Miller). In the comic, she arrives at the door of complete strangers Hobie and Susan (Will Farrell and Amanda Peet, respectively).

When I discovered the concept, I expected the stories to come in succession; starting with one and ending with the other. Much to my amusement, Allen pulls through in a way I should have expected; the stories evolve side by side, switching from one set of characters and tones to another easily and without sloppy explanation shots.

What really interested me as I got into the film is the fact that Allen seems to be letting go of the concept of playing 'his' character in all of his films (mind you, I haven't seen them all, but the ones I have all feature Allen as the insecure lead); instead, he hands 'his' character over to the overly talented Farrell, who seems to mimic the standard Woody Allen style of speaking. The great thing about this is that Farrell does it so seemlessly; he adds his trademark physical comedy into the film, creating a less physically adept Allen protagonist—many of the scenes in which he becomes flustered feature both his neurosis and his physical awkwardness (with lines like 'Oh no! The Chilean sea bass sprinkled with lime powder!” coming out less Allen and more Farrell, making me wonder if Allen had actually written them or if Farrell had just completely and amazingly gotten into character while retaining his own humor), rather than the standard rapid lines Allen is famous for.

This decision on Allen's part is a tremendous one; we've seen him play opposite anyone from Diane Keaton, an age appropriate relationship and, in later films, both Téa Leoni and Debra Messing (in Hollywood Ending), creating a sort of mid-life crisis type image; as he progresses in age his female leads never do, creating a sort of off feeling of the relationships and, in some cases, needing to be explained by ever-important dialog. In this film, he instead makes the casting decision of Will Farrell's career—Farrell has always played the off-beat, unbelievable character, from Night at the Roxbury to Anchorman, and, as a result, we'd had him typecast as that character—however proficient he is in the situation. Melinda, though, earns him his write to be called an actor and not a comedian; Farrell becomes Allen rather than Allen becoming Farrell (which I don't think would be possible—Allen is Allen; his acting has never really been considered acting).

Most of Allen's movies are timeless (though a few, such as Small Time Crooks, aren't); with Melinda and Melinda Allen has added another timeless film to his career. Updating his previous themes and moods for a newer, younger cast, Allen never once steps over his sensibilities; never once are we confronted with knowing what year it is; never once do we need to know what year it is.

While Farrell takes Allen's role, Mitchell seemingly takes Keaton's (in both Annie Hall and Interiors); she's the lovingly neurotic girl in the comic half of the film and the desperate neurotic character in the tragic half (though, at points, a more fitting reference to Interiors would be a mix between Keaton's character and Mary Beth Hurt's). I'm unsure whether or not I've seen Mitchell in other films; she seems talented enough but, without context, any actor in an Allen film is phenomenal.

Sevigny, though, is always brilliant. Her turn here as the unsatisfied musician is breath-taking (though, probably not as breathtaking as some of her other roles); when we find ourselves deciding who to care for in the tragic part of the film, it's hard to decide whether we want Laurel or Melinda to come out on top.

So, on a scale? I'd say I'd give this one an 8.5 to a 9 out of 10; the film is nigh on perfect (from the familiar jabs at Republicans to the Wes Anderson like music queues) but, I think, my favorite is still Annie Hall.

Speaking of Bruce Tim

2006-05-27T00:06:00.000Z

Cartoons/Art

Oh, and there's this Bruce Timm gallery, featuring Timm's art on a large range of characters (not just limited to his DC contracted work). My personal favorite:

New stuff

2006-05-26T23:59:00.000Z

I've already posted about the new book review and music review blogs, where all my reviews will go after I post them, but I'm thinking about dividing my links posts as follows. Give me feedback and tell me if you like it.

Also, there's a new Never News Erotic news site.

Art:

Dresden, Germany has always been pretty (even when burning). And so are it's factories

Fantastically disturbing knitted art

I wish I could have seen this. It looks phenomenal

Somebody buy me one of these awesome wallets

I don't know what's going on here, but I like it (check out 5814)

”News”:

Can something that looks like a Neutral Milk Hotel album cover really have been invented by the military? Answer: Yes.

Mt. Saint Helen's pushing out a giant rock formation—complete with time lapse video

Atomic Books is carrying a Bush's Last Day countdown clock. Thank god.

The Washington Post reports on a new set of federal guidelines saying that all women, regardless of whether or not they plan to get pregnant, should observe the health factors of pregnancy (no smoking, drinking, etc). Is it just me, or is that a little. . . hindering of personal belief?

Lit:

Slate covers indie bookstores versus chains “Another superstore sales assistant had never heard of the Village Voice.”

Comics:

If you haven't read Cat and Girl, you're missing a lot of good things. A lot of them. No, seriously. Plus, I have a feeling, from a few emails I've shared with her, that Dorothy might be leaving the strip behind. Get it while you can.

Bob the Angry Flower has been, for a long time, a comic I loved but never really talked about. That's a shame. Love this site.

Some pretty funny comics on Flickr

Alan Moore's new book, Lost Girls, is being touted as a lit-porn book “It is, everyone involved with it declares, beautiful, literary and moving. It's also bluntly pornographic, with explicit sex scenes on almost every page. Beyond couplings of every combination of women and men, the story involves fetishism, incest and even a touch of bestiality, as well as a whole lot of sexual activity involving minors, all depicted in Gebbie's sensuous pastels and paints.” Buy It from Top Shelf.

Music:

A talk with Free Diamonds, my new favorite Deep Elm band

Film:

Cate Blanchette to play Bob Dylan in upcoming film(?)

Cartoons

The other day I borrowed the second DVD of the new 'The Batman' series from my nephew.

Batman's had a pretty prolific career in animated television. Way back when, we got a glimpse of him in The Scooby Movies, along with Robin, the Harlem Globetrotters, and Phyllis Diller. Not to mention Don Knotts.

I'm not sure if this came first or the godawful Super Friends that everyone seems to love did. Some people seem to love the campiness of this era of comic-cartoons; even as a kid I couldn't get into Super Friends based off of the terrible writing and pathetic plotting.

As a kid, I was a staunchly Marvel comic book fan; DC just never interested me back then—except, of course, for Batman; whereas the other DC characters seemed too solid and glowing, Batman appealed (much like the gritty Daredevil, parable-esque X-Men, and plagued Spider-Man of Marvel) to my need for depth in reading. Mind you, I was a little kid at the time.

When I got home from school every day, the Bruce Timm version of Batman was on. This was the era to be an animated Batman fan—Bruce Timm created a mood, style, and tone for the series that has never been topped (except, of course, by himself with his Superman, Justice League, and Justice League Unlimited cartoons).

When that incarnation of Batman had died (as well as the Batman/Superman era), I thought we'd be left without a Bruce Timm cartoon to show us how good cartoons based off of comics could be. Of course, he went on to do the afore mentioned series (which I love), and I'm fine.

But the people over at Warner got a little itchy at the idea of the world without a solo Batman cartoon, and so they hired Brandon Vietti (who also did work on the CG Spidey cartoon [which I also have never seen]) to start work on a new series for the WB network.

I had never actually sat down to watch this series (really, I hadn't ever had the chance) and, when my nephew and I were looking at movies the other day I found the fourth season of Timm's version and the before linked second disc of The Batman. My nephew told me not to get the new disc, as he had it; he hasn't seen the entire Bruce Timm Batman before—although he loves JLU—but he loves this new one.

So I gave it a try.

And, fuck, it's bad.

Not really bad, I guess. It did just walk away with < a href=http://blogbattery.blogspot.com/>two emmys. The design is fantastic, the villains are scarier, the music is new-ish (but not classic). That Catwoman episode is brilliant (they capture the Bats/Cats chemistry that is often overlooked in adaptations).

But the Man-Bat episode lacks forward motion; which is to say that suddenly, for no reason, Langstrom turns himself into Man-Bat with no prior information. And then Batman fights him.

The Mr. Freeze episode was terribly trite, in that Freeze is continuously saying things like, “The weather is a bit. . . muggy tonight,” and “Have an ice evening”, whereas the real Mr. Freeze is a terribly complex character to begin with ('Snow', a 5 issue arc in Legends of the Dark Knight (192-196), for example, is complex and heartbreaking), this show makes him into a parody of a villain—campy to the point of hatred (like the Super Friends).

So it's a hit and miss type of show, I guess. Worth the price of admission if you skip the first two eps and get right to the Catwoman one. I checked out the special features and was impressed by the animation of both the Bane and Penguin episodes. I'm still unsure about Joker (my nephew has a book from the series featuring him), as I feel that he might be the same self-parody that Mr. Freeze is (which is a shame because Joker is one of the scariest motherfuckers in comics); I do think his straitjacket costume is pretty cool, though.

Branching Out

2006-05-25T21:29:00.000Z

Hey. Just thought I should let you know that I've removed the reviews from this blog to put on the new branches of the Never News empire, Never News Music and Never News Books and Comics.

Lots of links.

2006-05-25T19:31:00.000Z

Streep and Starbucks

Cinematical's X3 Review

Teri Hatcher, Dakota Fanning to work on animated adaptation of Neil Gaiman book

Original Quake paper models

Comic Book Urban Legends: John Byrne wrote an Avengers West Coast: House of M type story years ago, and Bret Warnock (of Top Shelf Comix) responds

The Morning News covers the annoyance of people talking loudly on cell phones

Passengers sacrifice lives to stop a screening of Big Momma's House 2 on their airplane

The US has better wine than France (!?!)but France doesn't believe it

If my robot got blown up, I'd be sad too

If a sexy robot girl can get me to stop smoking, I'm all for it. I mean, fuck quitting cold turkey.

Last night I was thinking that I wanted to buy an apartment building and advertise it as 'Dirt Cheap apartments for Producing Artists', which I feel is self-explanatory Turns out I'm a bit slow to the punch

I don't know how much I like the idea of using a sound that only kids can hear to keep them away from shopping malls, so I applaud the annoying use of it as a cell phone ringer.

Artist portraits.

McSweeney's online features an odd article by Greg Ruehlmann, 'This is Your Brain on Drugs'

Don't be rude when you get married

A link for Brando: Wonderman is Cooler than Superman

Pretty pictures thanks to The Morning News

Quite possibly the funniest internet interaction I've ever seen

Comics Should be Good discusses Black Canary being a bitch and 'Hypertime'

Reviews

2006-05-25T10:37:00.000Z

I went to the Virgin Megastore yesterday and ended up buying 11 albums and a new DS game. Then, on my way home from Salt Lake, I stopped into the WalMart in Evanston and ended up with three movies.

For reviews, I've gone and made a new blog: Never News Music.

Um. Guys?

2006-05-11T08:43:00.000Z

Fuck fuck motherfuck fuck fuck

A fourth Bush Presidency?

The Garfield mentioned yesterday

I've taken it to a further step--a complete, chronological Jon's view version of the comic. It's going to take a long fucking time, but I'm all for it.

Be sure to check out another amazing Jon version project, Arbuckle.

Season of Awesome

2006-05-11T07:04:00.000Z

I've been reading through those Garfields at the Truth and Beauty Bombs--Neil Gaiman, apparently, was a fan of these, and linked it in his blog. I stumbled across this gem:

Says "Professor Stevie Freezie"

"PS: Neil Gaiman, if you want I can send you some Sandman fan fiction I wrote in which me and The Sandman have to cover for the Rolling Stones because Mick and Keith get food poisoning and it turns out we had the power of rock and roll in us the whole time.

I titled it "Sandman: Season of Awesome"."

Professor, I nearly died.

Today, I read

2006-05-10T23:14:00.000Z

Bad ideas, part 1: Misnomer? I think not.

Does no one see the problem of naming something HAL?

Bad ideas, part 2: Another battle of the cosmetic vs. the functional.

This time with lives at stake.

Bad ideas, part 3: If the best you can do is $2, you're shit out of luck.

The GOP signs a Tax Cut (complete with chart)

Neat ideas, part 1: Take a picture of yourself every six minutes.

The Six Minute Project, a community art project.

Neat ideas, part 2: Color coded Matchbox

No, really. Check this shit out.

Great ideas, part 1: Make Garfield mute.

Example one. Reason 2.

Neat ideas, part 3: Mod your USB.

Everything's a toy!

Sexy ideas, part 1: Maria

The latest Urban Pinup.

Sexy and Good ideas, part 1: Yeah Yeah Yeah's. . .

Discuss four albums that inspired them.

Sexy and Good ideas, part 2: Neko Case. . .

is interviewed by The Onion A.V. Club.

Good Ideas, part 1: So is. . .

Mark Kozelek.

Sexy Ideas, part 2: Living in Sin

LA-ist has a sex column.

Bad Ideas, part 4: Family Circus

It's just plain bad. And it doesn't work for the Garfield experiment (scroll to the middle of the forum).

Amazing Ideas, part 1: adicolor

See it. Love it.

Is it Tuesday?

2006-05-09T21:09:00.002Z

Well, I guess we've got that covered

They're planning monuments to warn future generations about our fuck ups.

Mmm. Photos.

The Morning News highlights some of the work of Vincent Perini.

Veer

I'm not entirely sure what Veer is yet, but I like it.

My Morning Jacket

Metro talks to My Morning Jacket about (but not limited to) their role in 'Elizabeth Town'.

Is it Tuesday?

2006-05-09T21:09:00.001Z

Blarg, again

2006-05-09T02:36:00.000Z

Pacino talks Wilde

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This is the official site. I wish I could see it.

Creepy

Harvard reports that they still do not have the “foggiest notion” of how many volumes wrapped in human hide exist throughout the system. That's right. Human flesh binding. They know of three books out of their 15-million volume collection.

Shorts

2006-05-08T01:56:00.000Z

Godsmack, what a world

An undereducated Sully Erna (of Godsmack) sold out his fans to the military and all he got was an interview with this guy. Priceless.

Ah, literature

Hey, remember that time I told you that Penguin was releasing classics with comic art covers? Well, here are some more samples and an article about that.

Dear Fuck.

2006-04-29T23:41:00.000Z

I just finished ripping the new records I got while in Laramie; I'm now sitting on top of 70.7 GB's of music; that's not counting the stuff in the mail, the advances I've been sent, or any of that. 70.7 is where I'm at after five years of record collecting and deleting at my discretion.

Dear fuck.

Fuck living in a van, I want me one of these

2006-04-25T09:57:00.000Z

I was looking through one of the old Playboy's I've gotten in the mail (September, 1970) and found a short article on these magnificent things and have decided that A) I need one and B) I need a friend with a backyard to put it in.

The thing's goddamned brilliant! Lookit it!

And, my! Weren't they ambitious!

Futuro-House.net even has galleries of actual people's Futuro's. I want one. I wonder what it would take to get plumbing and high-speed in one of these babies.

Find me a Futuro! My Kingdom for a. . . Fuck it. ebay doesn't even have one. I'm doomed.

I'm back

2006-04-22T06:25:00.000Z

Well, after a long trip to Laramie in which I drank too much, smoked too many cigarettes, and played too much Xbox 360. Here are some photos courtesy of Brando.

Brando next to Third Street.

Me next to Third Street.

Me, Katie, and Bill on our way to the Buckhorn.

Guitar.

Biggie holding Brando as Brando stills a swig of Mickeys.

I'm leaving. Sniffle.

As we waited for the bus, Cam, Brando and I had a photo shoot. Here's the Duke's shot.

Scary.

Aw.

Constant drinking with the kids for Brando's B-Day.

Okay. Enough. Now the Never-News.

In the Bedroom

Back to normal Star Valley habits, tonight I picked up a random previously viewed DVD from our local Maverick to compliment my soda and cigarettes. This is what I'm reduced to in Star Valley—no Brando, no video games, no social life—just assorted films and a caffeine high.

So what marvel of cinema did I get tonight? In the Bedroom. Really, what sold it to me (besides being the only film that wasn't a romantic comedy or, for that matter, White Noise was the fact that it has my boy Nick Stahl in it. Nick Stahl was 'That Yellow Bastard, not to mention the focal point of Carnivale. Having only seen him a few times, I figured that I might as well drop the ten bucks on this movie so that I could boost his appearances in my media-inundated life. That, and Sissy Spacek rules.

I wasn't sure what I was getting myself in to. I hate reading blurbs on the backs of DVD packaging – though, thank god, Bedroom's has absolutely no spoilers – and all I got was yadda yadda yadda Nick Stahl yadda yadda yadda older single mother (Tomei) yadda yadda yadda concerned.

I'm just glad that the plot wasn't just that.

The movie is visceral. Painful, even—we watch in muted horror as Tom and Sissy go through the seven stages of grief; we sit through it all and can't help waiting for the next stage. I was a little saddened by Stahl's brief turn after buying the film for him, but have realized that this should have been in my collection from the get-go. How did I miss its release? How the fuck would I know. Am I glad I got it? Yes.

Equal parts Rick Moody drama and Shakespearean tragedy, the film gets a big ol' thumbs up from me. The end.

Happy Birthday, Jack

2006-03-12T20:22:00.000Z

Today's Jack Kerouac's birthday! Huzzah!

Now go read something.

MSNBemo

Our friends over at MSNBC are having a hell of a time trying to figure out what emo is. Turns out, their music chart is fucking spot on. Good job, MSNBC. Good job.

Cheaper now than '78

I recently started eBaying old copies of Playboy (purchasing, not selling)--as well as a few other select staples of American publications—and was shocked when September, 1978's issue arrived in the mail today—not because of anything risque in the content of the magazine (in 1978, risque wasn't quite what it is now, of course) but by one of the subscription adds. In 1978 a year's subscription to the magazine was $14 dollars. Today's offer is $20 bucks. This is strange to me as I got my subscription (a little over a year ago) for a paltry 12 bucks. Cheaper than it was 28 years ago by two dollars, cheaper than now by eight.

At any rate, old magazines are a sort of fetish for me. Really, any media; old films do it for me, but we have DVD's now so it doesn't matter. Comics from 1978 are, for one, obscenely expensive and two, horribly written (in a comparison to today's current style—no matter how amazing the writing from those early decades of comics, each panel is still horribly weighted by exposition). But magazines? Playboy?

Like certain liquors, Playboy can stand the test of time.

I recently got an issue (December '74) which not only had fiction from Arther C. Clarke but, also, an article by Hunter S. Thompson and (get this) a pictorial by Salvidor Fucking Dali. Dali! Dear fuck.

Buy more old magazines. Whether from price friendly eBay or price-gouging specialty outlets. Just do it for the good of preservation.

Me? I'm gonna try to get a straight run. Or a straight run without Marilyn, whose issue's high-end price is a staggering $4,500.00. Compared to comics from 1954, that's tiny. But compared to Playboy? Not so much.

Downtown Magazine Price Guide

(P.S. : If you or anyone you know has any back issues of magazines they're looking to get rid of [and I'm talking clean magazines. None of your pubescent brother's issues of Penthouse] drop me a line. I'm interested in Playboy, Vanity Fair, any literary journal or Weird Tales-esque magazine, stuff like that. Life? Not so much. Time? Not so much [unless they have specific articles of interest, i.e. The Dylan article in Life]. Now, mind you, I'm not just talking to the people who may or may not stumble onto this site. I'm talking to you all. Luke.)

Funny stuff in old places

From afore mentioned issue of Playboy:
What Does “Good In Bed” Mean?

Alice Cooper, rock star
To be good in bed, you must be passionate, inventive, considerate, inexhasutible and an insufferable bastard. I always carry a big snake.

Chevy Chase,comedian
Sleep, a really good night's sleep. Oh, you mean like sex? Well, I've heard about sex, but never in bed. In a chair, anywhere else, but not in bed. Wouldn't you fall asleep?

I'd say never take metal objects to bed. And no smoking, of course. I know Alice Cooper says he always takes a snake; I always take a shit.

To all those who say they hate Ashton Kutcher

2006-03-05T10:37:00.000Z

Fuck you.

Once upon a time the guy found a script and decided to produce and star in the film. That film, The Butterfly Effect (which was based on this novel), flew under my radar for a long time—I saw the trailers and kind of blew it off. Then, when I found the DVD kicking around at my parents house, I went to watch it. To my chagrin, the disc was cracked. It wasn't until just now that I caught it on Encore.

Holy fuck.

I defy you to watch that film and not be affected in some quintessential manner. Every time the curve shifted, my heart broke a little more. And the end! Fuck!

(I cried. I won't lie. If you think that that's a little extreme, I guess you can blame it on the fact that I slipped my meds for a couple days. But me, I'm going to blame it on the fact that I'm generally pretty unhappy about my love life right now. I was once in love, you see, and if I could change my life to make that love line up, I would; hands down, no matter the loss, I think I'd try to make it happen. Every time I've tried to find a love like it, it doesn't work. I guess that's what we get, right? The Chasing Amy conundrum. Fuck it.)

I'm in love with the film, actually; I think I'd probably buy it again and only really watch it during times when I needed to put things back into perspective. No more faking it, no more forcing it; I'm going to be happy one way or another, and that means no more fucking around—no more long relationships where I don't feel, no more petty crushes I can't flesh out.

And for that?

Thanks Ashton.

Why not me?

2006-03-05T06:00:00.000Z

Last Night's Party has a set that looks suspiciously like something out of Ellis' Rules of Attraction (the dressed to get screwed party). Turns out that LNP is actually getting a good bit of press these days—the October issue of Rolling Stone, Luke tells me, has the Hot List, on which LNP's is listed. Rad.

I'm pretty sure that, when I return to Laramie, I'm gonna set up a Dressed To Get Screwed Party. Paige and I have talked about theme parties before, and they're always a big success (Brando's Brokeback Mountain party [which I was absent for] apparently scarred a good many young men who are, for lack of a better word, Chad homophobes). The Dressed to Get Screwed Party would have to have an ID check, I think, because we don't want underage drinking to pull the police to a party where everyone is, essentially, dressed as scantily as possible.

Other theme parties to consider:

1940's elitism; come dressed as a upper-middle to upper-upper class 40's socialite, from débutante to highbrow art critic. (For a look at real-world débutantes in our modern world, Vanity Fair's February issue had an article featuring such rich and famous as Bush's Niece, Ashley, Steve McQueen's granddaughter Molly Flattery, and Andie MacDowell's daughter, Rainsford Qualley. Who knew?)
Famous characters from literature; whether it be the standard Huck Finn to Ellis' horrid Patrick Bateman, the key to this party is to never drop the act—party-goers must be the characters for the duration of the party. Especially the drunker they get.
Characters from Chicago; this is one that Paige was really interested in; the glamor from the film version of Chicago, this one cuts it close to the 40's elitism, but allows for whores and dancers.
Cross-Dressing Friday; this one kind of speaks for itself. The brave souls who dare attempt this one must come not only dressed in the clothes of the opposite sex, but must dress as far into the spectrum. Which is to say, men as feminine as possible, with woman working the masculine side of things.

Of course, these parties would have some sort of door prize (except, probably, the DTGS party, which will, most likely, end with few people even around—as the object, of course, is to get screwed).

If you're in the Laramie area and are interested in helping arrange, host, or attend these parties, drop a line.

Unruly

2006-03-04T18:17:00.000Z

I got a copy of Unruly's first issue with my Mayem order, and was truly surprised. The journal is a smallish endeavor but it's jammed with interesting and great writing—from Kevin Sempsell's letter to the editor to the finish story, Bringing Henry Home by Pia Z. Ehrhardt. Not to mention a short by Alex Robinson (of Box Office Poison fame)!

So. Check it out. Or die.

Old Comics

I stumbled across some old comics of mine and decided to upload them so you could enjoy the bizarre nature of working the desk shift of a dorm from 3-6 in the morning during the summer. The comic was titled Kitty Vs. Robot, and I found them in a file tucked into my Image folder. The file was named 'Fuck Mark'. I don't even know why.

Primary sketches:

Actual comics:

Blog, Shmlog. Update, you prick

2006-03-03T17:17:00.000Z

Hey, kids. It's been a long one—I just got back from twelve days of hard work in Sun Valley; now my dad's thinking about buying one of the 'affordable' condos up there so that we can use it while working, and my mom can go visit her sisters more often (they live in Twin Falls, Idaho and Some Place, Oregon, so Sun Valley is the half way point), and, also, a place for me to go in the summers and sit on the porch, writing and smoking. Yay.

Holy fuck biscuits, buy this

As it turns out, Suburban Home has an eBay store, which is chock full of rare and out of print LP's and what not. I've already spent way, way too much there—but, as a working man, I can afford it; the mass amount of records only adds up to two and a half days of work. If you'd like to see what I've got, here's a nice list that the Sub.Urb. Crew will be sending me in a few days time:

Onelinedrawing's Volunteers LP, which is out of print.

The Pixies, Surfer Rosa (on both CD and Vinyl; my CD copy is an old Chris/Jason Boat disc, and it's seen better days), Come on Pilgrim (LP), and Doolittle. Because a record collection isn't complete without these records.

These Arms are Snakes, both the This is Meant to Hurt You CD and 12”, and the LP version of Oxneers

Cave-In's Anchor 7” (I know, I know; it's their bad album—the major label one, blah blah. But still interesting.), and Creative Eclipses, which was limited edition.

Matson Jones' self-titled. These guys are from Denver, so it's pretty much an extension of my musical scene—I'm a little bummed I didn't get this one sooner.

Planes Mistaken For Stars' Fuck With Fire LP.

Kind of Like Spitting - Old Moon LP.

Murder By Death's beautiful sophomore album, Who Will Survive, and What Will be Left of Them?, which I've done nothing but rave about since I've heard it, on 2x10”.

Q and Not U, No Kill No Beep Beep on vinyl.

Blood Brothers' (whose website you should visit, because it's fucking sweet ass bitches) Burn, Piano Island, Burn (LP), March On Electric Children (LP), and This Adultery Is Ripe (CD).

Pretty Girls Make Graves' Good Health (LP), Sad 7”, and The New Romance (LP).

Heatmiser's Dead Air (LP) and Cop and Speeder (LP).

Sleater-Kinney's Entertain single (also, check out their blog).

The Mars Volta's 12” Single for Frances the Mute.

Old Man Gloom - Christmas (2xLP).

And, hopefully, that Gorilla Biscuits record Luke love so much—he doesn't have the vinyl version (and we're asshole completists, so he's gotta have it), so I'm gonna snag it for him.

All in all, that's about two-hundred-fifty dollars of plastic coming my way. Did I get screwed over? Probably. But I like to think that I saved some money—though some of the records which I thought were out of print turned out being still in print. Whoops.

Brown loves the Cutie

Jeffery Brown, who I've ranted about before, did a music video for Death Cab for Cutie. Check it out, yo.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

After being gone for two weeks, I went to pick up the mail (I'm living with my folks right now, until this summer when I'm headed back to Laramie for some schoolin' and rockin', so I'm sharing a P.O. Box with them). Sitting in the box was a little card thingie—no address, no envelope, just a promo card—for Ghost Buffalo (a band whose card proclaims “for fans of Rilo Kiley, Cat Power, and Neko Case”, so, needless to say, I'm downloading it to see if it's any good). Yeah, a little promo. Fine.

But what is strange is that it was sitting free in the box—in small town Star Valley, Wyoming—where there were no indie letters or packages for me. Just some bank stuff for the parents. Where did it come from?

Home for a bit

2006-02-19T00:26:00.000Z

Hey, kids. So, yeah. No posts for quite awhile—and probably not any for awhile to come; I've been working like a madman, and this past week I've been in Laramie practicing for the upcoming Wake Megan album. I'm home in Star Valley for a wedding (Congrats, Brecon and Tara!), and then I'll be back in Laramie for another week before heading back to spine-crushing work. Hopefully there will be a Chesire Productions site up by next weekend, and some demo tracks of Wake Megan's album—what do you guys think of the title 'It All Depends'?

The Red Wheelbarrow

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

-- William Carlos Williams

Anyone?

I thought dates were the best part of trail mix...

2006-02-07T22:37:00.000Z

...then I bought a whole bag of them.
You actually can have too much of a good thing.

"Charles Mingus circa 1959" by Andrew Maxwell Vigoren

Colin didn't formally request me to do this week but I figured he wouldn't mind. Anyway, he's got all those powers an admin has so I think he can show his absolute power by taking care of anything he doesn't want. Just a few quick things.

Shook Ones
I don't care how much these guys sound like Kid Dynamite/Lifetime, they are really really awesome and I'm glad to hear a new hardcore band that makes me genuinely excited.

Stubbs the Zombie
Apart from having an excellent soundtrack (featuring Death Cab for Cutie, Ben Kweller, Rogue Wave, etc.) this game is incredibly addicting and hilarious. From the creators of the ever addicting Halo this game resembles their past work in a whole fuck of a lot of ways. Loading capabilities, weapon abilities, and controls don't differ a whole lot. Am I complaining? Hell, no. Halo perfected one genre, it's time for those guys to have some fun. Game story revolves around a 1950's era utopia being plagued by a zombie epidemic, you are the leader zombie, you are Stubbs. Stubbs goes around eats brains to add people to his Z. Army, tears arms off soldiers and proceeds to beat them with them, has a dance contest with the chief of police, and rides a sheep. Can you ask for more? Awesome game x 3000.

Ambitions
Since original singer Todd Mackey just left With Honor, I've been pretty pissed off. Luckily I found a band that has the core brothers from With Honor and the core members of Shai Hulud. It's nothing new, but it's pretty freaking awesome. Check them out

Maybe I should read like Sir Moon.

Luke vs. the Sleep

2006-01-31T16:27:00.000Z

Fucking Genius
The new Perry Bible Fellowship strikes quite close to home this week after too many video games
and not enough sleep for this guy.

Spearfish Music Update
I was pretty bummed that Boyz on Parade broke up (in fact I was enraged) but they then informed me that they are just renaming themselves and throwing away most of their songs. That information would have been useful. Keep an eye out for I Am Fail.

M.T. Bateaux
Laramie/Rapid City have something to be proud of. M.T. Bateaux is a pretty fantastic solo effort from this guy I met on campus randomly. For some reason him and all his friends remember seeing me at shows back home in South Dakota but I never recognized any of them until coming to college. What can you do I suppose. Anyway, this guy is Benjamin, I don't really know him that well but I was more than impressed by his music. Give him some props.

I pretty much always vow to swear off video games but for some reason or another I've gotten into them again. Who needs things like literature/music/art when you can pump flashing graphics into your head? Recent plays:

Soccer a Go-Go
Super Mario Strikers is pretty much one of the most instantly addicting games ever. The Mario franchise is freaking flawless, as if it isn't exciting enough to be play soccer where you can body check people into electric fences, you can use Toads to slam their mushroom-heads into Donkey Kong and topple him over like a damn cripple. Won't be jumping any barrels in the near future, will I, DK?

Good Wing Gabba
So as a child I never played any part of the Star Fox franchise, but after playing the original for SNES yesterday I am pretty much hooked on blowing the shit out of little prisms and octagons.

We Are Venom
Ultimate Spider-Man has been a bastard. Playing through the sandbox environment is awesome, good graphics(with few minor flaws), and web slinging has never been this much fun. Beating Venom in the last level has proved to be more than a challenge (ending with me kicking and screaming on the floor after about an hour of constant kicks and web-zips). Besides the sort of (okay, ridiculous) silly banter this game is a fucking winner. But, this Spider-Man has an ARCHAIC costume! How can we deal with that!

Wow, maybe I should put down the controller.

10:00am is Much Too Early

2006-01-26T17:43:00.000Z

Greetings. Well, due to lack of ideas here's the Top Three hardcore records of the 1980's. You might be thinking to yourself "Well, Luke you really only existed for half of the 80's and in those five years all you did was watch cartoons and eat food." And I'd say "Well, no shit."

Gorilla Biscuits - "Start Today"

It's the record that says it all. Late in the 1980's in New York City, Sunday Matinees at CBGB's were all the rage; kids could go see a show and be back in time for school the next day! Gorilla Biscuits happened to be a part of this whole "youth-crew" movement, putting music back into the hands of kids who were completely straight-edge, and completely not old enough to buy cigarettes or booze. This record changed a hell of a lot of things. Gorilla Biscuits weren't forgettable prior to this record. Their original demo and self-titled recordings were...intimidating to say the least. But they 'broke down the walls' (oh what shtick) by creating music that revolved around positivity, vegetarianism, and of course, fun! This is notably one of the first times that music that was furious came head-to-head with awesome melodies and more-than-memorable lyrics and crew-style sing-a-longs. A mind blowing band in every sense of the phrase.

Minor Threat - "Minor Threat"

Minor Threat, without a doubt, created an aggression to punk rock music that was only paralleled by other D.C. greats of their day (S.O.A., Bad Brains, etc.). Their self-titled record was short and sweet, as most hardcore was in their day; their record played like a circle pit in your head; their lyrics were as simple as they were profound. The late projects of this band obviously get more noteriety (Fugazi, Bad Religion, etc.) but this band re-wrote the rule book for the 1980's. Stand up! And be counted!

Black Flag - "Damaged"

Arguably the first hardcore band (I say arguably because well it's not like anybody announced themself as a genre, obviously) and an incredibly significant one. This is what dissonance and chaos are all about. Greg Ginn basically set up everything for hardcore to become more than just 4/4 time and power chords. From incredibly funny social satire to songs of just being pissed off, Black Flag's name isn't going anywhere.

Fighting...

2006-01-24T16:58:00.000Z

Top Five (three) Hardcore Records of the Last Ten years
Well the time is here everybody. Per Colin's suggestion I'm here to lay down the law (my musical opinion) for all of you. In my complete morning haze I'm currently attempting to rip tracks to give you all samples of all these fine, fine works of art (using this fine program). In any case, let's start today's lesson.

Snapcase - "End Transmission"
Number fucking one. One of the most underrated albums that noone has taken influence from since its inception. In their last studio record, Snapcase openly created an incredible new atmosphere surrounding hardcore. The hardcore tracks come off in a mathy and almost robotic way; creative in beats and guitar rhythms. Interludes mapping tracks together are flawless("Cadence" and the end of "A Synthesis of Classic Forms"). Snapcase took drastic changes on this record, openly taking their influences from Fugazi and At the Drive-In (arguable some of the best non-hardcore bands in recent memory). I have clear biases on placing this record at Number 1. They were my first new-age hardcore band, seeing them live was something close to mecca for me, and their videos were nothing short of visual candy. I hope that maybe for once people can see that these guys were absolute geniuses (anyone who covers Devo and Helmet in the same record is obviously in this category) and maybe I won't just look like some fanboy for the next ten years.

Refused - "The Shape of Punk to Come"
Arguably, most people's choice for Number 1 but I just couldn't do it. It was a tough call, don't get me wrong, but a secure Number 2 I think is more than satisfactory for this record. "The Shape..." is an all-around solid record. Refused were a semi-forgettable band leading up to this album. But these young lads went from dreadlocks in Sweden, to scary ass masks in their groundbreaking video for "New Noise"(proving there is absolutely nothing wrong with an old-fashioned performance video with awesome costumes).

The album opens up with some pretty prolific quoting: "They told me the classics never go out of style, but they do, they do. Somehow baby, I never thought that we do too." Opposed to some bands who may just quote something just for the sake of quoting them, this one actually speaks for the record. As you will notice later on in this list, most of these records come from the later years of the 1990's and early 2000's. There's a reason for this. Granted, bands like Earth Crisis and Madball did incredible things in melding hardcore with metal in the early '90s but these are hardly significant records that pushed boundaries in creative processes. Bands may have delved in adding different elements to their sound prior to this but Refused were nothing but groundbreaking in what they did. The use of strings in "Tannhauser / Derive" makes an epic hardcore song all that much more epic. With the sounds of what sounds like a black and white horror movie it is chilling at the same time moving. Techno interludes like those in "Bruitist Pome #5" are appealing to fans of hardcore and house alike. One of the more straight-forward tracks is the title track in which they use different sound effects, not to mention break away from routine of 4/4 breakdowns. I could talk about this record forever and it appears I already have. Buy this.

Shai Hulud - "Hearts Once Nourished With Hope and Compassion"
Extremely long song and album titles aside Shai Hulud did it right. Their combination of hardcore, metal, and melody was done flawlessly on this record. Ringing in at a fine nine songs, it meets perfect length for a hardcore record. Shai Hulud defeinitely stepped it up in their debut full-length by showing what my faithful friend Andrew would call "the sweet teat of melodic hardcore." There are few bands that have matched what Shai Hulud did in their short-to-medium career-span (exception being their brother band Strongarm in which they shared drummers as well as influences). Notably what caught my ear about Shai was their track "A Profound Hatred of Man". I've never been a words guy, I mean clearly by reading any of my blogs you can see that I'm semi-illiterate, but all that aside poetry/lyrics never strike me...ever. This song excluded. Probably a combination of being in high school and having 'teen angst' but the lyrics to this song and album are amazing. Do yourself a favor, get your sandworm on.

I can't type anymore, I'm going dizzy.
This was going to be five but I can't concentrate any longer.
Besides the choices for 4 and 5 weren't as totally awesome as the first three so three is a solid number to go with. Research, enjoy, stay rad.

I Sold My Soul for Charles Mingus

2006-01-23T09:28:00.000Z

Hi everybody. I'm glad to be welcomed in by the wonderful Colin Moon on this occassion (see, I can do html too)and I hope I can live up to true Never News expectations. This is just a preliminary blog since I can't be positively sure if I'll be able to post in the real hours of tomorrow (current time-2:35am) so here I go with a few things.

You Had Me at Locust
Scott Smallin photography seems to be a pretty damn decent site. Features slideshows from great labels like Omar Rodriguez Lopez's Gold Standard Labs and Justin Pearson's Three One G(which as it turns out I hate pretty much everything on this label except bands that Justin Pearson is actually in. In any case he actually has creative model photography as well as quite festive wedding photos.

Shiver Me Fuckin' Timbers
The latest from our good friends at Perry Bible Fellowship.

We Can At Least Attempt to Be Black
After the winter break, I've become enriched in the worlds of jazz. I've become highly addicted to reading extensive biographies on Wikipedia of greats like Jimmy Smith, Charlie Parker, and the aforementioned Charles Mingus. These were some interesting cats to say in the very least.

Well that's all I have for you now. I'm not a supreme-o web browser so that's about as much as you get out of me. Later in this week I'll let you in such great things as:
Luke's Incredibly Important Music Opinions!
Luke's Incredibly Long Music Rants!
Luke's Current Obsessions in Comic Books!
And More!

Stay tuned.

Brief Weekend Post

2006-01-23T06:58:00.000Z

Home Again

I'm back. So, a post before Luke starts over—I'm not sure I'll be home this coming weekend but, if I am, expect a brief and belated post.

Last Night's Party goes to Sundance

Last Night's Party went to the Sundance Film Festival while I was out; there are three galleries of photos that are entitled Sundance colon feature, all worth a good check out. Some smallish celebs.

I found this somewhere

I found this somewhere (I don't remember where). It works best if you use iTunes, as said program has all the features needed.

Crack open your music player.

How many songs are listed?
5445

Sort by artist:
First artist: 'Mericans
Last artist: ZZZ

Sort by song title:
First Song: “'77” - Red Animal War
Last Song: “Ziggy Stardust” - David Bowie

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: “Ghosts 'n' Goblins – Intro” - The Advantage
Longest Song: “Off White Room” - The Album Leaf

Sort by album:
First Album: “"This Is Our Punk-Rock," Thee Rusted Satellites Gather +Sing,” - A Silver Mt. Zion
Last Album: “Your Funeral...My Trial” - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

First song that comes up on shuffle: “Stephanie Says” - The Velvet Underground

How many songs come up when you search for “sex”? 14

How many songs come up when you search for “death”? 101

How many songs come up when you search for “love”? 271

How many songs come up when you search for “the”? 2559

Precious pornstar

Aw. Here's Peachez' site.

Video Casts

KitKast is a blog in video form; Ms. Kitka lays around in her underwear and informs us on late-breaking news in the worlds of porn, stripping, and sex. All in all, a good time.

Any other video casts out there? Sex or non-sex, it's all good; especially in the realms of literature (which I'm looking for general podcasts for) and art. If so, email me.

Return!

2006-01-16T05:11:00.000Z

So, how about those posts from Jeremy? Magical, eh?

I got back last night around six, responded to 29 emails from various Suicide Girls about a book I'm putting together (more on that later), and found that Jeremy didn't post. Meh, no biggie. I still love the bastard.

Miranda July to marry Colin Moon

No. Not really.

Good news!

I've been figuring out how to get my novel, Traveling Light finished up, and I've solved the problem—Jeremy #1 and I will be creating a website to chronicle the whole journey of the book, through the writing, photographing, and (hopefully) publication of the thing.

So far I have about 32-36 models; 29 of which are Suicide Girls who have expressed interest. Which is huge!

Working up the money

I've been working on the weekdays to make up enough money to release the Phantasmagoria record as well as travel to the far corners of the internet-infected globe to shoot all those models for the book (as far as Germany, the UK, and {maybe} Italy).

Currently, I find myself in Sun Valley; the Jackson Hole/Park City of Idaho. The 'affordable' condos that I'm doing base and door/window trim is, get this, 600 thousand dollars. While I was out there (it's about a four hour drive from Star Valley), I found this amazing little bookstore in downtown Ketchum, Idaho – Iconoclast Books, which has three locations around the Sun Valley area. I walked in and was instantly in love—I had expected some trite Oprah's Book Club type store (because, let's face it, ski-towns usually aren't known for their exploration of ideas) and, instead, found a indie-haven. The employees were sweet, funny, indie, and cute. I went in looking for a copy of Dracula (more on that tomorrow), and instead I picked up a copy of the winter 2005 issue of Zing, which I was surprised to find included a sampler of French bands, Issue twenty of Skyscraper, The Sex Issue of Heeb (with Sarah Silverman on the cover!), and a copy of Salmagundi (which I mistook to be a literary quarterly, but which is, in reality, a social science review).

This is the type of bookstore I've been missing for some time. I've been to a few here and there (mostly there), but Wyoming seems to be devoid of such wonders. Laramie's closest is either Hastings or The Grand Newsstand. Jackson has a used bookstore and a comic store. Is there anywhere this rad in Wyoming? Help!

At any rate, Zing is pretty, I haven't read Skyscraper or Heeb, and Salmagundi looks to be quite a time.

What kids are learning these days

Looking around Violet Blue's Tiny Nibbles today, I found this dazzling little number that shows us what Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage programs are teaching kids about sex.

When I was a kid, I didn't know anything about sex (to the point of thinking that the penis went into a woman's butt, and you peed to get them pregnant). All I knew is that my body wanted it. If only I had known about this site, which debuted when I was in the eighth grade (and still horribly under-informed about sex, just the Wyoming way).

Because they were made accessible to me

Cam and Brando discuss Brokeback Mountain:

Brando loves Daredevil. . .

as well as She-Hulk:

Whee! I'm homesick!

Google Vids. So much fun you'll die.

This is so fucking rad, I can't even say it.

So. Damn. Pretty.

I'm a sucker for good photograhy.

Whereas, this isn't so much good as interesting. And not so. Damn. Pretty. As much as so. Damn. Cliché.

Another guest blogger

So, this time, we might actually get guest blogs! By one Noelle Lopez, my friend and soon-to-be model (and, obviously, rad-tastic sex-queen).

Tune in tomorrow to see if she does anything.

And the week after, you ask? Look forward to Luke Jensen's favorite Hardcore records, pre-1990, as well as hardcore lessons for us newbs.

I'll see you kids on Saturday.

Wha. . . Huh?

Since when did porn star get IMDB entries?

A trip away

2006-01-09T07:02:00.000Z

Guest Blogger #001

So, I'll be headed out of town for the following week. In my stead, I've invited Jeremy Wilkins (known in some circles as '#1') to step in and highlight some online poetry for you kids. I hope you enjoy his stay, as I know I will (while reading the archives next weekend).

Coudal Partners

The Coudal Partners are an interesting group. Not only do they have some funny short films, the also have some excellent experiments for media.

Erotic

So I've recently begun having some pretty intense erotic dreams about a certain someone. Or two. As a result, I'm starting to think about maybe jumping the gun on my photography project that's meant to compliment my novel, Traveling Light. I'm planning on photographing not only close friends (whom these dreams feature) but, hopefully, a few Suicide Girls and maybe a few indie-artists. The photos will all be of women, some in the nude and some very much not, one per mini-fiction in the novel.

I've already discussed it with Megan, Amber, Noelle, Kate, and have contacted a few Suicide Girls.

What would you guys say to a website/blog dedicated to just those adventures?

Nerd

So, I'm a nerd. And when I see comic-book characters featured in certain media, it makes me happy. Such as this photo, from the above linked, featuring Suicide Girl Alabama showing her love of the Punisher:

It makes me want to cuddle up with either her or a stack of Punisher issues, I can't decide with.

Oh, yeah. Her.

Also, here's some Spider-Man, ala SG's

Sunday, bloody Sunday

2006-01-08T15:12:00.000Z

Stephen King and Spoon

Wow. Wow.

So, Stephen King has announced that his top single for 2005 was Spoon's “I Summon You”.

For those of you who aren't in the know (and seeing as I only have two regular readers, both good friends, that equals none of you), when I'm not writing trite blogstuffs, I'm a writer of all things non-linear; the passion overtook me while, in the fifth or sixth grade, I read Stephen King's It (and, I know, it's a little dirty for a literary person to admit that one of his favorite novels is a Stephen King novel). The book defined for me, at that age, how stories could be. I've since found other books that do that for me (this and this, for example), but I've never forgotten what I learned from It.

Secondly, I'm in love with music—all music, I won't lie—and Spoon's Kill the Moonlight is, I think, the second-best rock and roll record of the last five years (second, to me, only to Cursive's Domestica). One I heard it, it jumped on me and wouldn't let go—I love the damn record. Gimme Fiction was Spoon's last record, from 2005, and is just as amazing and rocky. Buy it from Merge, as they have just a few copies left that include the bonus EP; you don't want to miss out on that.

Sister Jack (Video)
I Summon You (mp3)

(Thanks to Blog of a Bookslut)

Louise Doughty sets the challenge: Write a Novel in a Year

I'll be there. How about you?

(and, goddammit, Jeremy, you'd better be).

(thanks again to Blog of a Bookslut)

The funniest Bat-Thing ever

Here. You'll laugh at Batman. Laugh!

(yet again, thanks to Blog of a Bookslut)

A true look at Herbie, Fully Loaded

Which, by the way, sounds like a film about not driving drunk. Stephen Notley (of Bob the Angry Flower) reviews Herbie: Fully Loaded.

Enjoy.

Take that, Fuckers

Coumbia, Sony/BMG fired a lot of people

The internet needs more nudity

But until that day comes, here are some awesome links:

Last Night's Party is, from what I gathered from a little browsing, one photographer's journey to record various parties via photos, including some racy shots of some pretty intense parties. The same photographer has another site (which is part of the whole thing) called Urban Pin-Up, which is a fantastic set of pin-ups for our generation (a la Suicide Girls).

Boys kill with violence. Girls kill with sex.

Eon McKai is an 'alt-porn' director who too his name from Ian McKay of Discord fame. He uses alt-kids as his models and stars, films them in porn-standard scenarios, and uses the delightful Alaska often for package designs. I downloaded Kill Girl Kill, Kill Girl Kill 2, and Art School Sluts over at Pure T 'N A, and wasn't disappointed—the guy stole my idea to make art porn. The bastard. But, what can you do? I recommend picking up one or all three of these films if you're the least bit interested in pornography, erotica, or erotic modeling. Also, apparently Hillary Duff is a fan. Who knew?

Kill Girl Kill 2 (.mov trailer)

Page France rocks my subtle, indie-folk world

You Ain't No Picasso just posted the 9 Myspace only Page France tracks, and I expect you to go download them.

Page France has released two albums (”Hello, Dear Wind” and “Come, I'm a Lion!”) which I only discovered recently (which doesn't matter, I suppose, seeing as “Hello, Dear Wind” was just released last year), and both have blown me away and worked their way into my steady listening.

Some Music

2006-01-07T09:29:00.000Z

Where did the Fall go?

Largehearted Boy linked this interesting epic of a man searching for all of the 40-some ex-Fall members. Wow. I always had heard about how crazy Mark E. Smith was (mostly from Chris Boat), and I think this proved it to me.

The thing is epic—43 ex-members and the mystery of what has happened to them:

“Equally, I was worried by the fates of the disappeared. In particular, Karl Burns - who was hired and fired nine times between 1977 and 1998 - seemed to have vanished after punching Smith on stage in the New York meltdown. Several former members worried that he was dead. Some suggested he had "moved to the hills" in Rossendale, Lancashire, but appeals to the area's local papers produced nothing. Riley suggested I "try the prisons", which led me to Ed Blaney, who indeed left the Fall because he was sent to prison ("Dangerous driving," he says). He hadn't seen Burns either.”

This should be turned into a story book, complete with images of fist fights, people being stranded, and Dave/Steve throwing himself under a train.

HEADLINE: MAN GOES MAD FROM LACK OF CIVILIZATION, RAMPAGES ABOUT HOME IN UNDERWEAR, SICKY DESPERATION

2006-01-02T18:03:00.000Z

For the last four days I've been aiming to get out of town and go to Salt Lake City to see my friends Jeremy and (his boyfriend and nicest-boy-in-world) Wilson. I've been sitting in Star Valley for several months(!!!) now, where my routine is as follows:

1 – Wake up.
2 – Read Internet Things.
3 – Put off feeding the animals (yes. Animals. As in farm animals. How the fuck did I end up here?).
4 – Feed the animals.
5 – Read Internet Things.
6 – Sleep.

Of course, I get my fair share of Francine Fink play and the downloading and consideration of music, but that's not really a replacement for the social life I had in Laramie, nor does it scratch the 'collector's itch' that I seem to have built in.

At any rate, it leaves me in the depraved mood where I wander through my house in my underwear and smoke a lot more than I should. I've been mail-ordering like a mother-fucker lately, including but not limited to: Joey (from A Softer World)'s novel, a lot of Saddle Creek/Team Love: The Two Gallants 7”, the live Bright Eyes disc, The Katrina Relief disc, both Jenny Lewis pre-orders, and (I'm not shitting) one of these.

I can't get to a place where I can just pick things up. Laramie was heaven compared to Star Valley—on new music day (Tuesday), I could go browse. I used to bitch about not having a comic store in Laramie. Now I realize that there isn't a video place that has rentals for more than one night (!) (in fact, they're closed on Sunday and also feature the Mormon-friendly 'Clean Flick' option, thus rendering many films meaningless) or a 24-hour convenience store (!!). It's like living in the middle-ages. With the internet.

Save me: tell God to stop snowing or Derek to blow of responsibilities. Or order me a bunch of things and have them shipped to me. So. Bored.

Costly Orgasm

I'm not sure about you, but I don't think anyone needs to drop up to $450 on a toy. Or $1500, either.

Not a toy that doesn't have a cartoon tie-in, anyway.

Fleshbot delivers odd goods

I've been looking over the recent posts over at Fleshbot, and I found this, as well as accompanying links. Go check out the Fleshbot.

Just one of the many (read: tons) of blogs I've been checking out thanks to my Bloglines account. I can't get over how handy the damn thing is, especially in linking me to some of the most bizarre corners of the internet.

Fuck them

U.S. Today's top ten books of 2005 is shameful.

Harry Potter? May I remind you people that '05 saw the release of Ellis' new book, a new Gaiman (which, honestly, I haven't read but assume must be more engaging than Potter), not to mention Black Hole.

I hate them.

Speaking of bad writing,

I just found the first story I ever wrote. I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out of school for it.

Written in fifth grade (when, I think, I had just started reading Stephen King novels), it's set in my old grade school, Holdaway Elementary. Featuring my fifth grade class and (of course) some pretty mean monsters/aliens and a few vampires (my then girlfriend, June, is turned into a vampire by the fourth page), this is the sort of stuff that kids get sent home for now—this and fingernail clippers.

It even mentions Apple II/e's, which were the computers my school district taught us how to type on; ancient relics with green-screens that had text burned into them.

2005-12-28T02:05:00.000Z

Waiting a second

Did any of you guys know that we have Leap Seconds? Because I sure as hell didn't.

To: Elliott

I just got the advance of this little gem, and I'm amazed.

Portland artists covering Elliott Smith; from The Decemberists to small unknowns, all the Elliott biggies are on it; The Decemberist's version of 'Clementine' may very well be the saddest song I've ever heard, The Helio Sequence doing 'Satellite' is spot-on, To Live and Die in LA do a version of 'King's Crossing' that'll knock you down, and I'm not sure I ever expected to hear Elliott rapped, as in Lifesavas 'Happiness'.

This may very well be the best all-covers record I've ever heard (knocking both Discovered Covered and Cat Power's The Cover Record down on the small list. I'm still waiting to hear this, which looks amazing), and is definitely worth whatever is charged for it. Look for it next year.

Merry Day After

2005-12-27T01:49:00.000Z

First off, let me say happy belated holiday wishes to you all; with the coming of Christmas came my family, one group at a time—by Sunday night I was neck deep in games with my two brothers and one sister (Jason, Stanton, and Dena), and ended up conversing with my soon-to-be-divorced brother, Jason, for several hours late into last night. I think it's good to sort of come to terms with who I am in this family, which is to say not the memory of me in years past.

Hope your respective holidays went well.

phan·tas·ma·go·ri·a

1. a. A fantastic sequence of haphazardly associative imagery, as seen in dreams or fever.
b.A constantly changing scene composed of numerous elements.

2.Fantastic imagery as represented in art.
3.I'm pleased to announce that Phantasmagoria and my label, Chesire Productions, are currently in conversations concerning a album release.

This makes me very happy. Nik and I began talking on a long trip where I was merch guy for his other band, McKinsey on their album-release tour this last summer. Then, out of nowhere, he dropped me a line via MySpace regarding his new project, and enquiring if I'd be interested in helping release it. The answer: yes, very much so. Check out their link and listen to their songs ('Workforce' and 'Everyone Working' will not get out of my head for the life of me).

Sweeny Todd

Wow. I had no idea, but the Angela Lansbury version of Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street is on DVD. Finally.

I'm not sure when it happened (I haven't really looked into it for several years), but it's a recommended purchase.

Music Recommendations from a Machine

This is a crazy device. It was developed by The Music Genome Project, which, in itself, is an interesting bit of coolness.

Merry Day After

2005-12-27T01:38:00.000Z

First off, let me say happy belated holiday wishes to you all; with the coming of Christmas came my family, one group at a time—by Sunday night I was neck deep in games with my two brothers and one sister (Jason, Stanton, and Dena), and ended up conversing with my soon-to-be-divorced brother, Jason, for several hours late into last night. I think it's good to sort of come to terms with who I am in this family, which is to say not the memory of me in years past.

Hope your respective holidays went well.

phan·tas·ma·go·ri·a

1. a. A fantastic sequence of haphazardly associative imagery, as seen in dreams or fever.
b.A constantly changing scene composed of numerous elements.

2.Fantastic imagery as represented in art.
3.I'm pleased to announce that Phantasmagoria and my label, Chesire Productions, are currently in conversations concerning a album release.

This makes me very happy. Nik and I began talking on a long trip where I was merch guy for his other band, McKinsey on their album-release tour this last summer. Then, out of nowhere, he dropped me a line via MySpace regarding his new project, and enquiring if I'd be interested in helping release it. The answer: yes, very much so. Check out their link and listen to their songs ('Workforce' and 'Everyone Working' will not get out of my head for the life of me).

Sweeny Todd

Wow. I had no idea, but the Angela Lansbury version of Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street is on DVD. Finally.

I'm not sure when it happened (I haven't really looked into it for several years), but it's a recommended purchase.

Music Recommendations from a Machine

This is a crazy device. It was developed by The Music Genome Project, which, in itself, is an interesting bit of coolness.

Some fun Projects

2005-12-23T20:41:00.000Z
A portrait of me through music

I recently found a stack of old burned CD's that were pivotal in my growth as both a music fan and creative entity. Titled 'The Chesire Mixes' (after my soon-to-be production company/record label that, even as a teenager {apparently}I dreamed of: Chesire Productions), these are my mix-tapes—starting when my brother got his first CD burner and stretching to as recent as two or three years back, they're a decent chronology of my musical interests.

As a treat (mostly for me, but also for you, dear reader), I thought I'd start listening to them and transcribing them into track-lists to see what pops up. I'll post one a week for the next few months (at least that's what I figure right now). A lot of the stuff is obviously dated; I think I may have been in the 7th grade when the first one was burned, and the last one is dated 2003.

I'm missing quite a few (if any of my friends from those years are reading this and have copies of any of the discs, drop me a line.), but we're still looking at 21 mixes, 1996(?)-2003 (ages 12-19). If possible, I'll link up some MP3's for y'all. I may need your help identifying some songs.

After identifying the tracks and giving a rundown of the discs, I'll be making a mix of songs that are important to me now that were released the year the original mixes were; a compendium that I wish I could send back to myself in those days. These new mixes will be posted the day after the originals, and will feature only songs released in the year the originals were made (discounting any songs that were on the original mix). I think that, doing this, I can both get a firmer grasp on my history (my memory is shit) and a firmer grasp on the musical time line, et al.

And, damn, this will be embarrassing. Keep posted—I'll begin in the new year.

Some cool publishers to check out

Being a writer on the internet is, quite possibly, the most depressing experience in the world. Online poetry is often limited to either horrendous scams or goth freshman-girl-poetry that is both trite and pointless. It's refreshing when you run into a pinnacle of good creative writing amongst so many pot-holes. Here are several such pinnacles.

Future Tense is a small press that has captivated me for years—run by writer Kevin Sempsell, the company has released some gems (most famously Zoe Trope's Please Don't Kill The Freshman, which was later republished, extended and edited, by Harper Collins sub-company, Harper Tempest, a youth-lit outlet), including books by Sempsell himself; the books are small, cheap, and good times.

Speaking of Kevin Sempsell-by-way-of-lead-in, I just discovered Word Riot, which is not only an online literary journal but also a small press, which recently released Sempsell's Beautiful Blemish. The site has some fantastic minifictions (titled 'flash-fiction' by the editors), which I've read a few of. They aren't bad. Neither is a lot of the poetry. So far, I'm completely impressed; no artist's work has really rang false and all the pieces seem completely earnest and well-written.

And, of course, there's always Nerve, who have released several anthologies of their fiction, not to mention an interesting looking book that hasn't been released.

I'm still waiting for some of my writer buddies to start blogging; when they do you'll be sure to garner a link from me—I've been writing and creating/collaborating with several fantastic poets and novelists (From designer Jeremy (#2) Wilkins and filmmaker Megan Robinson-Atkinson to print-maker Bill Lindmier and magical realist Chris Boat) that, if you were lucky enough to get the few issues printed, you'd recognize for their help in forming the '. . . And Stuff' 'zines.

'. . . And Stuff' has been away too long—both in print and in spirit. I've recently been discussing a possible online version of the 'zine with. . . well, myself. But #2 and I were considering purchasing some webspace for such a project. If there's anyone reading who knows of cheaper/better and/or free web-servers, tell me.

Mondays, Tuesdays, Happy Days

2005-12-23T00:30:00.000Z
Atomic Hates Diamond

I've been hearing about how much Diamond Distributors sucked for a long time; I've been a comic nerd since I began reading and I've had some conversations with comic book store owners about them. Turns out, it's not only comic stores that are getting fucked. Atomic, if you don't know, is the place to order your independent books when not ordering from the publisher—I don't live anywhere near Baltimore, where they're located, so I've never seen the place in the flesh (read: brick), but I've never been disappointed by an order. I love the guys.

Some Hopeful Arrested Development News

Sounds like Arrested Development might be picked up by some other station instead of Fox, who has decided that the show's numerous accolades just aren't good enough.

Bloglines Saves Colin's Life, News at 11

Yeah. So I've been trying it out. And I love it. I'm up to 53 feeds and going, and I don't stop because it's so convenient just to load up Bloglines and read whatever has updated.

Tip: Don't load all your feeds at once. Ever. It doesn't matter if your computer is touchy or is God, when something goes wrong, you lose all the posts you haven't read—and that's a pain.

Another hip toystore

Magic Pony, at first glance, promises to be a pretty cool toy site—more designer toys in the style of my previous links to Kid Robot. They seem to be a bit more pricey than KR, but they do have a pretty good selection of toys from artists that aren't featured at KR.

Some Arts Fors Ya's

Largehearted Boy linked to Tiny Media Empire today, and it's pretty—art prints and show posters that are both stylish and gorgeous. Check it out.

/ has a web-counterpart

Since it's inception I've been a reader of / Magazine, a little quarterly devoted to photos, style, and indie chic. Turns out that they have a web-counterpart over at IRICC, a fun little designer site.

Clever Titles Are So Fucking Cool

Blog-mistress Bethanne (from Armchair Novelist and Clever Titles are So Last Summer, both excellent reads) has been having a week dedicated to side-projects over at CTASLS. Featured artists so far: Desaparecidos, The New Trust, Beep Beep, and Broken Spindles—the Creek bands I know well; fuck, I've listened to Business Casual enough times to recite it, rote, from memory. The New Trust is new for me, and I'll be checking them out.

Bad News, Bears and Sharks

Sounds like Bear Vs. Shark is breaking up. Just after the release of Terrorhawk. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not that big of a hardcore fan, nor have I heard a lot of BVS, but I did have a good time with the album as it played in the car and van while I was being merch guy on the McKinsey and Michael J Parkinsons tour this summer. So, officially, I've missed out on seeing them live. Fuck-cakes.

Christmas Sales on Literature

McSweeney's Quarterly Concern's Store is having a holiday sale, specifically on subscriptions.

McSweeney's, for those of you who have been living in a lit cave, is a quarterly publication where today's best writers are publishing some of their strongest stories. Edited by writer Dave Eggars, and featuring some astounding bookcraft, each volume is worth more than what's being charged.

Blorg

2005-12-20T21:28:00.001Z
Guided by a Jackass

Apparently, Guided by Voices: A Brief History author (James Greer, ex-bassist, ex-Spin writer) is a complete jackass reports Things I'd Rather Be Doing

Great, America, just great

Looks like we're building walls on the Mexican border. A sign of goodwealth between the U.S. And Mexico.

Oh, wait, no it's not.

Precisely

Why can't America be more like the Brits?

Moby. . . in spaaaace

Yep. Moby's going to space.

Huh

I'm not linking this for the content. Mostly, I'm a little curious about that logo. “5 Million Readers a Month {insert yonic symbol} Men's Portal. Wow. Blatant.

Okay. I won't lie. Yonic or not, check out this bitchin' Lego video.

Musical Things, Part Umpteen

2005-12-19T02:34:00.000Z
Chronic—what—les of Narnia

Wow. Who knew that SNL was funny again? Not I.

Hey! I know those guys!

Rolling Stone posted their Top 50 of 2005. I was surprised to see a lot of the records on there—I mean, I love Sufjan, I mean, hell, who doesn't? But motherfuckin' Rolling Stone?

"Well we are big rock singers, we've got golden fingers
And we're loved everywhere we go
We sing about beauty and we sing about truth
At ten thousand dollars a show
We take all kind of pills to give us all kind of thrills
But the thrill we've never known
Is the thrill that'll get you when you get your picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

Rolling Stone
Wanna see my picture on the cover
Rolling Stone
Wanna buy five copies for my mother
Rolling Stone
Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

I've got a freaky old lady name o' Cocaine Katy
Who embroiders on my jeans
I've got my poor old gray-haired Daddy
Drivin' my limousine
Now it's all designed to blow our minds
But our minds won't really be blown
Like the blow that'll get you when you get your picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

We got a lot of little teenage blue-eyed groupies
Who do anything we say
We got a genuine Indian guru
He's teachin' us a better way
We got all the friends that money can buy
So we never have to be alone
And we keep gettin' richer but we can't get our picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone"

While looking up Dr. Hook, guess what I found?

Turns out that Shel Silverstein, noted children's poet and adult cartoonist (who I love) wrote “On the Cover of Rolling Stone”, which was recorded by Dr. Hook.

Guess what else he wrote.

No, g'wan. Guess.

“A Boy Named Sue” for our boy Johnny.

I shit you not.

Funniest quote of my day

—rather, it was the fact that she has her own LiveJournal, and let’s face it, they don’t give those out to just anyone.

Indietorrents.com

So, while facing the slew of 'Top Albums of the Year” lists that are being thrown at me from every corner of the blogosphere, Indie Torrents has proved invaluable to my no-job having, unpublished ass.

The site is invite only (and don't hold your breath), and the admins are, by their own terms, 'fascist' in deleting accounts for low share ratios, but if you get the chance to check out the inner workings, do so. At the drop of a hat.

Thanks to the site, I've found various must own records. Plus, I've been able to keep my head above the water in the never-ending list of 'Great Albums', circa '2005

Sprite MMO's

2005-12-18T18:46:00.000Z
The Indie-Game awards or somesuch

Recently, web-comic mainstay (and well-deserved highly popular) Penny Arcade linked to The Independent Games Festival. You know me and games, I don't play nearly as much as you would think

But, tempted by the promise of some cool indie-games, I checked some of them out. The stand out, right now, is this damned MMORPG Dofus, which has me hooked despite the large lack of quests in the beginner's stable.

The premise is pretty simple; you're a Final Fantasy Tactics style sprite-designed character running around in a Ragnarok Online-type world, fighting precious monsters to save the world.

A lot of what gets me with Dofus is the same stuff that initially attracted me to Ragnarok Online in that I loved the sprite-era, Final Fantasy on the SNES era RPG's and games. It's nice to see nostalgia-inspired games with current mechanics and concepts (Dofus features a diverse class cast, as well as a WoW-inspired profession system), that pretty much all computers will be able to handle (it's all flash based, actually).

The free trial of Dofus is actually a lot better than that of Ragnarok, too: instead of a time-limit, players have an allotted amount of territory they can cover—so many screens away from the central town, you hit a 'Trial-Players Cannot Pass' message and have to return from whence you came; considering the large amount of this area, and the time you'll be spending on the quests there, it's a worthy download and a good window into what paying for it would be like.

The downside is that for all the classes available, you still end up in the same quests during your first levels—fighting a lot of redundant monsters to pick up the things they drop (henceforth referred to, in proper gaming terminology, as 'drops'). After so many Arachnee's: , for instance, I stop caring whether or not I'll get the leg drops I need for my quest. And if I have to kill any more damn Tofu's I'll scream.

I'll be re-trying Ragnarok if anyone's interested in hooking up with me in either, just email me.

If you're willing to sink some time and very little hard drive space on some 'fun', I'd recommend it; it's fast, easy, and free (until you're hooked on it like the crack-cocaine it is). Just be wary of the French-to-English typos and Engrish involved.

The weekend took me by surprise; some belated update

2005-12-18T17:43:00.001Z
A Softer World

So, it turns out that A Softer World (which was one of the top comics of 2005 over at The Webcomics Examiner that I linked to a while back) is, really, softly beautiful. Sometimes haunting, sometimes inspired, sometimes emo, sometimes funny. The comic is a hit, just like the award says, and it'll be one that I read at each update from now on. Each strip runs a little like a minifiction; a one sentence construction which are only loosely connected to the images (thought he images are great and well chosen, don't get me wrong). In other words, it's the perfect Colin strip. The minimalism is, by itself, something to be studied and adored; the concept behind each sentence is more powerful, of course, and I'd suggest reading this from a literary stand-point as well as a comic-reader.

Just can't stop linking .

Bloglines

So, it turns out that Bloglines actually is the handiest tool in the world. Not only does it feed you your favorite blogs, but also it does some web-comics, which is extremely convenient given the rarity that some comics update on the given dates. I was really skeptical of the service until Jeremy #1 explained it to me and linked it for me; I'm still wary of it, but I've now added all my blogs and the comics that have RSS feeds, and I'm curious as to how it will work out for me. I've also deleted the original bookmarks I had as to force myself to give it a chance. As of now I've got 39 feeds (and counting). Oh boy.

Gretta Cohn, how I miss you

So, it turns out that Gretta Cohn (ex-Cursive, current stable musician for Saddle Creek) had a tour blog for the Bright Eyes/The Faint tour this past year over at the Village Voice. This, I didn't know. Silly me.

Thanks to Bloglines for finding it for me; the thing is becoming more and more useful. And now, I sit down to read Gretta.

Girls, Girls, MyHeavy, Girls

2005-12-16T00:47:00.000Z
Jenna's Troubles With God

Apparently, Jenna Jameson is trouble dirty dancing in Arizona. I suppose that, when you're Jenna Jameson, you just can't get no respect. At least not from Right Wing kids.

Kristin Hersh, be my Valentine

Largehearted Boy gives us a link to a free 50 Foot Wave ep over at Throwing Music.

The state of being stateless
MyHeavey doesn't have a Wyoming. Go ahead, check. This state doesn't exist.

Audrety Tautou, The Da Vinci Code

So, I suppose the real news is that the Da Vinci Code trailer is up. But, to me, it's the fact that Audrey Tautou is in it. I love her; she's my favorite foreign actress. And, if you've seen Amélie (and I bet that you have), you'll understand.

On the Da Vinci Code, I still haven't gotten around to reading it even tough everyone and their grandmother have recommended it. I think that's part of the problem; when you write for a (hopeful) living, when someone's grandma says that a book is brilliant, you kind of question whether or not that's a good thing. I mean, a lot of books are brilliant to grandmothers. But that doesn't mean I'd like them. But, with this one, I think I'll just have to suck it up and read it. Anyone have a copy to loan me?

(Plus, Leon is in the movie. With Tom Hanks. And when Ron Howard and Tom Hanks set out to make a blockbuster, they don't fuck around.)

SXSW 2006

Full band list here.

A Very Jenny X-Mas

Does anyone else remember these images of good cheer?

Kitty Lymph and Other Stories

2005-12-15T11:07:00.000Z
Kitty Lymph and Other Stories

To Lymph or Not to Lymph?

The people over at the Strait Dope sure don't like cats. I've been rubbing my cat, Francine Fink, on her neck because it makes her love me more. It occurred to me that this is the precise type of rubbing that I do to my girlfriend when she's sick; to help move the lymph around from the swollen lymph nodes located at the bottom of the jaw. Suddenly, curiosity overran me—do cats have lymph nodes? Do many animals? I would assume that only mammals do. Mostly, all I've been able to turn up is a lot of information about the apparently mysterious 'cat scratch fever'. Which I thought was just a song lyric.
Editor's note: Not to worry, Amber assures me that Cat's have Lymph nodes.

Me and You and Gorgeous Music

I've already mentioned how amazing I felt 'Me and You and Everyone We Know' is. I did forget to mention, though, how beautiful the soundtrack is. It's easily the best soundtrack I've heard since 'The Life Aquatic', 'Eternal Sunshine', or 'The Virgin Suicides'. Largehearted Boy reported that you can stream the entire thing here, which I strongly urge you to do.

The Ballad of Peyo, the Smurfs, and Political Folly

I noticed recently that some of Peyo's original smurf. comics are up on Amazon used. These comics were some of the most important things I read when I was a kid—they were epic and gorgeously executed, and my brother and I fought over who got to have them in their rooms constantly. I was shocked to see that my favorite one, King Smurf was there, too.

King Smurf (which was, apparently, also made into a cartoon) was a story that, thinking back, seems pretty epic and political for a comic-strip in the 40's-50's. In fact, had the Red Scare been going on decades later (during the latter part of the '70's and early 80's), we Americans would never have seen the Smurfs. I know, I know, there's the stupid commie-Smurf thing that all the young webernet kids are discussing these days, but based off of K.S., I think it's fairly certain.

See, in King Smurf, Papa Smurf notices that he's out of 'Euphorbium', which he needs in his super-science experiment of the night. The next morning, he tells the Smurfs of the village that he's leaving for awhile and that they should behave themselves. Startled by their new lack of leader, the Smurfs quickly form a plan of action: democracy. They discover, though, that democracy is harder than they expected—everyone wants to vote for themselves. Once they narrow down the candidates to two (Smurf and Brainy Smurf), they get down to the election. After some hilarious escapades in the voting booths (spoiled ballots and Brainy's attempt to vote multiple times for himself), Smurf is decided to be the new leader. He then goes into his home and returns, decked out in gold, and announces that he is now King Smurf. A jump from Democracy to Monarchy. It seems that we're climbing down the political ladder now, doesn't it kids?

But that's not all! After several challenges (including Jokey Smurf making a fool out of the royal guard), King Smurf creates a prison and begins to willy-nilly throw all dissenters into it, thus turning Monarchy to Fascism. So, of course, there springs up a Smurf Liberation League (named the Rebels, of course) with a secret base in the forest, which King Smurf soon seeks out to destroy (the secret code to be a Rebel? Q: Why did the Smurf smurf the road? A: To Smurf to the other smurf). The Rebels free people from the royal prison, and soon an all-out Smurf war breaks out!

The King's royal palace (which, of course, he made the Smurfs build ala concentration camp) is destroyed, and Papa Smurf shows up just in time to stop a Smurf-lynching. As soon as Papa Smurf returns, all the Smurfs return to normal and answer Papa's questions and do his bidding, being the perfect workers they were before. Eerily Orwellian, no?

These comics are amazing, right down to the smallest detail. I suppose I'm just waiting around for Fantagraphics to collect all of them in one handy series. If anyone knows if there's any other way to get these books, drop me a line because, while the prices of the used editions and Amazon are tempting, the unknown quality is not.

If anyone's feeling generous (like a buck-fifty type generous), my Amazon Book wishlist has them up. And while your at it, these are likewise awesome.

If not, buy them for yourselves. You'll love them. LOVE them.

(No Smurfs were smurfed during the smurfing of this story).

Cool Blog stuff and X-Mas just around the corner.

2005-12-12T17:27:00.000Z
Blogging is fun

Pop Culture Crash has some pretty interesting things to say about Bugs Bunny.

I've been over to Blog Lines trying to figure out how the hell I want it to work.

The X-Men are awesome. I've been a comics fan since I taught myself to read with them. The X3 trailer is out and about, but I haven't been able to get it to work for my. Here are some pictures, though:

Some shocking news to the indie-community: The Decemberists sign to Capitol Records

"The idea of reaching a wider audience has become really attractive," Meloy said. "It just felt like we had tapped out the resources of Kill Rock Stars. We could have stayed on that label until the end of time, putting out proper Decemberists records that sold x amount of copies. But there was a general thought after this last tour that the music and the stage show were evolving. We felt like there was an opportunity for something bigger."

Sigh. Well, it worked out well for Death Cab, let's just hope it doesn't go all Cave-In on them.

Christmas gifts for everyone!

I've been tooling around the internet looking for a gift for some special people in my life. Rather than finding gifts for them, though, I've found all sorts of goodies that I want.

alt=Candide/>
Atomic Books reported in their Blog recently that Penguin is no releasing classics with covers illustrated by cartoonists. Their first release is a copy of Voltaire's Candide, cover by Chris Ware . Apparently we can expect books illustrated by Art Spiegelman, Charles Burns, and Seth in the new year.

I'm guessing that Penguin was more than impressed with McSweeney's #13.

Check These badboys out. Designer flash drives meant to look like little critters. How cool is that?

Artist Tara McPherson has been a favorite of mine for quite a while now. She's got some fantastic Prints available, not to mention Merch and stuff.

Speaking of artists, Katsuya Terada has a book of his artwork out with Dark Horse. He draws pretty things.

Small press Buena Ventura has some fantastic looking small-run books available. A few look pretty interesting, from Tom Gauld's two volumes of 3 Very Small Comics to Julie Doucet's Sophia Punt: Collages (of Words) series. Plus a book by Adrian Tomine!

Plain Mabel is a little boutique of designer productions. They've got some pretty cool stuff, including patches, buttons, and stuffed toys.

Bigger Krissy has some cool unique, hand-made stuffed animals.

Arist/Designer Shawnimal has some cool prints and stickers at his own store, not to mention some buttons and things over at Plain Mabel.

Sugar Beats is another designer that makes handmade treasures. In this case, bags for the purse-holder in your family or relationship.

Kid Robot, who I referenced a few days ago, has scores and scores of awesome toys for the kid or collector in your hearts. Here are some of my favorites:

.

This should be interesting

2005-12-11T14:34:00.000Z
I've got the drop on this, which should prove to get a lot more hits than my blog, plus generate some interesting topics of discussion.

Webcomics make Colin happy

2005-12-11T13:01:00.000Z
The Webcomics Examiner, which I didn't even know existed (much to my chagrin), has posted their best-of-2005 list here. Though I haven't seen a lot of these, a few (such as Kochalka's American Elf and Dorthy Gambrell's Cat and Girl) have been on my daily read list for a long time while others (Copper, Perry Bible Fellowship I've seen and loved from time to time (Copper was even featured in Flight, and Perry Bible is something Luke got me into over the summer.).

All the others look fantastic, and I've dog-eared the ones I'm really interested in reading. Once I do I'll tell you what I think.

Along those lines, web-animation

I've been watching a lot of flash animation via Newgrounds, and I think I've found some amazing winners.

Bitey is easily my new favorite animated anti-hero whose actions are reminiscent of the old-style cartoon characters such as Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Donald Duck. Though more chaotic. And mean-spirited (though I can't think of anyone as mean spirited as Daffy). Jeremy Gross introduced me to these, and is (partially) responsible for my being addicted to Newgrounds. The animator, Adam Phillips, has an amazing way with effects—his water in these episodes, by itself, marks real talent—and he should; he's employed by Disney as an effects animator. He worked on this treasure, which I truly love—I saw it with my dad in good ol' Ford Theater in Afton; quite the bonding experience. Anyway, yeah. Great animation, great character design, and fantastic plot-builds. Watch 'em.

Now somebody go buy me this.

Second, Minushi is an action-packed sci-fi epic in installments that will, at its completion, add up to a full-length film. I was highly impressed with this gem of work, mostly because a lot of the installment based flash cartoons really aren't that good, while this one is amazing. The dialogue/voice acting doesn't suck, for one, which is rare with such things. The characters are likeable, most even believable (all but Griffin, as of yet), and I can't complain as to the animation or score. Also, I'm in love with the Giant designs.

Salad Fingers is delightfully terrifying, right down to its sound. The animator, David Firth has some fun stuff, too. A lot of creepy and/or funny animations. Plus, check out Devvo. He's fun. And creepy.

Largehearted Booknotes

Largehearted Boy has been one of the few blogs I read consistently. We get interesting news tid-bits, articles, and even a 'Tomorrow's Shopping Bag' feature on Monday with all the new-releases that the author is interested in. Today, I stumbled across a new portion of the Blog: the Booknotes series. I had read a few of them then promptly forgotten all but the premise—various writers write a little something for Largeheartedboy. Here's one that caught my eye. Bret Easton Ellis lists the songs that he thought of while writing Lunar Park.

Headline: Celebrities are, well, kinda boring

2005-12-11T10:32:00.000Z
So, tooling around the 'Blogosphere', I happened on some pretty interested celeb news and or gossip. You now me, loving celebs and needing to know all about them.

First off, I Don't Like You in That Way reports that some guy (professional paparazzi-I-mean-photographer Peter Brandt) is being sued by Jennifer Aniston over some naughty nakkie pictures that he found himself with.

Quoth the guy, “She's the one who went out there topless. I didn't go looking for it." Brandt says he was only looking to take photos of Aniston and her new beau Vince Vaughn, and he denies that he was trespassing on her property, as the former Friends star's lawsuit asserts. He continues: "She has no fences around her backyard. I did not trespass. When I saw her come out topless, I go: 'Oh, God, this is not what I want, this is not what people want to buy anyway.' I haven't sold those pictures anywhere. "You know, they're suing me and all the publications who are publishing them, and I haven't sold them anywhere. Sending the topless pictures along with (the other photos) was maybe my mistake. But I wasn't intending to sell those."

Not even kidding. He actually seems to think people wouldn't pay for Jenn's nipples. And he wasn't trespassing. Legally, he's right, but I think it's kind of a person's prerogative to be able to be topless in their own backyard, no?

Paris Hilton is. . . akin to Christ?

Yeah, so some guy just made a giant Christmas monument in his front yard that features huge pictures of Paris. I don't know, but I kind of hate her. And so now I hate Christmas. Thanks, buddy.

Not even kidding

So, go drop a few hundred dollars on Brad Pitt's high school yearbook. Go ahead. I dare ya.

This isn't about celebrities

So, yeah, I just found this little gem. I haven't had time to read it, but it's in my blog bookmarks now, so I'll check it out.

Also, Tilly and the Wall had a recording blog. I'm not sure if they'll be posting on it again anytime soon, but it's a fun read. Give it a whirl.

Reconsideration

2005-12-11T05:05:00.000Z
I think I mispoke when I compared Rogue Wave's Out of the Shadow to Elliott Smith. After putting the album in and trying a re-listen, I think I'd rather say that it sounds like a Brian Wilson-inspired Elliott Smith-riff in a Shins song. I don't mean this to be disrespectable to any of the mentioned; in fact, I can kind of see the allure of Rogue Wave, in that sense--happy songs with Smith-like guitar produced indie-poppily. But what I meant was, is that the whole deal? Or am I overlooking a huge factor in the album? I suppose I haven't really listened to the lyrics (and God knows that I'm more of a lyric person than a vibe-person), so I'm kind of floundering on the acclaim of the record. Help me understand.

And, again, this isn't meant as a snide, sarcasm laced attack. Rather, I'm really curious and I'm wondering if Decended Like Vultures will be conclusive to any feelings I generate about the band and their music; or if I'd even care to try--there are other albums I'm certain I'll benefit from picking up.

Some New(ish) Releases

2005-12-11T04:54:00.000Z
Low single

So, while looking for those David Cross links today, I found out that Low is releasing a new single/ep-thing, Tonight the Monkeys Die, which is to include (or does include. . . anyone know if this is out yet? The SubPop release date is a little screwed up, and it's not listed on Amazon) remixes of the song 'Monkey' by such great musicians as Bob Mould and Stephen Merrit.

Stephen Merrit

Speaking of Stephen Merrit, looks like he'll be releasing an album of original showtunes that he's composed for various productions by director Chen Shi-Zheng. The album will, conveniently, be entitled 'Showtunes'and be released by Nonesuch Records, which was the home of the last Magnetic Fields album, 'i'. Which is exciting. I'm of the opinion that, now that Elliott's gone, Stephen's one of the last proprietors of what I call Perfect-Pop, which, I think, is self-explanatory.

Rogue, er, Wave?.

So, it looks like Rouge Wave has a new one. I picked up Out of the Shadow on a whim a while back, and really didn't feel one way or the other about it. To me, it was Zach Rogue writing a lot of Elliott Smith inspired songs, complete with a band. Can anyone back this album up for me? Or give me a reason to check out its sequel?

Two Great Live-Action Thingies

2005-12-10T15:54:00.000Z
Arrested Development Arrested

So, it looks like Fox isn't done jerking Arrested Development around. Nick informs me that they (Fox) still hasn't officially ordered a third season of the show, which has one 12 Emmy's and thirteen various other awards for excellent television programming in the comedy category. Of course, this is the network who canceled both Family Guy and Futurama out of their own ignorance; they deprived us of those shows until Adult Swim made them take notice and posthumously resurrected the former.

I had never really knew a lot about the show, aside from the fact that the great David Cross (who has never, ever, disappointed {and whose A.D. character is a Never Nude, and, therefore, the word-game namesake of this very site}) was in it and that Noelle was a huge fan of it. Then I caught a single episode (from the second season) and was hooked. I just, as of minutes ago, finished the first season, over two-thirds of it in one all-night, hazy dream marathon. I'm in love; the writing is crisp, the character synergy is fantastic, and the acting is superb. Plus: 'I feel sort of like a Mary with out a Peter and Paul' was something I never got over.

Me and You and Miranda July

So, I should have mentioned this when the whole blog started (but, of course, this is Never News, where I can't be bothered to remember things), but a few weeks ago I got a hold of a copy of Me and You and Everyone We Know and fell head over heels for it. For one, it may be the sweetest film of its type I've ever seen (think Magnolia if it had been directed by Mirah), and for two, Miranda July is on the verge of visionary in all of her works—I had heard so much about her that when, at the end of the film, the writing/directing credit was given to her I immediately went and did some long-postponed downloading. I also stopped by her site and followed the links to her web works Learning to Love You More and How Will I Know Her?, both collaboration projects.

I think I'm in love with her.

Interesting news found on the 33 1/3 blog

2005-12-09T04:32:00.000Z
Somebody's fucking the Smiths and their families and co-artists, even going so far as trying to seize Morrissey's Mom's and Sister's houses.

Here's Morrissey's statement on the matter:

"The latest statements from M Joyce on a BBC 6 radio interview as faithfully reported on the MorrisseySoLow site have been brought to my attention and I feel I should make this reply as an attempt to put the matter straight.

1. From '83 to '87 M Joyce happily and willingly received 10% of Smiths recording royalties.

2. In '89, as is documented, Joyce sued Morrissey & Marr for 25% of Smiths recording royalties.

3. In '96, Joyce took his claim to court - and on the basis of the 1890 Partnership Act the judge awarded Joyce 25%.

4. In '97, M Joyce was paid 215 thousand pounds from me, and 215 thousand pounds from Johnny Marr.

5. In '99, Joyce appeared on British television and made the statement: "There was no contract saying we were gonna get 25%."

6. In 2001, as a final payment of back royalties, Johnny Marr paid Joyce 260 thousand pounds, plus "costs." At this time I was in the US and was not served with court proceedings, so Joyce obtained a Default Judgment. He then put forward a claim from me for 688 thousand pounds - well above and beyond the amount Johnny Marr was ordered to pay. In my absence, the figure was not contested.

7. Since 2001, and because of the Default Judgment against me, Joyce has taken out Third Party Orders against the following societies: my personal bank account in England, Smiths royalties from Warner Music, my personal PRS royalties, my personal PPL royalties, and he has attempted to seize UK concert fees from venue to venue. This money, to date, totals 700 thousand pounds. This figure is in addition to the figures mentioned above.

8. By grabbing the full total of Smiths royalties from Warner Music (and this means that when the public buy a Smiths CD in the UK, the royalties go to Joyce, and have done so since 2001) Joyce has knowingly deprived Andy Rourke of his 10% Smiths royalties, and has deprived producers John Porter, Stephen Street, Grant Showbiz and Steve Lillywhite (for "Ask") of their entitlements. Joyce did not declare to the courts that others - namely, the above - were also beneficiaries to the Warner Music royalties.

9. In 2001, Joyce attempted to seize both my mother's house and my sister's house by claiming that I had taken my assets out of the UK; he made this claim even though he had direct access to all of the above – which are in the UK. Joyce eventually dropped both of these claims due to lack of evidence, and he refused to pay the 150 thousand pounds that it had cost me to defend his groundless claims. Joyce also dropped his claim as co-composer with Johnny M on Smiths compositions, and Joyce also dropped his claim for Producer royalties on Smiths recordings, and Joyce also dropped his claim for a share of Artwork payments given to me for providing Smiths record sleeves. There were, in fact, no payments to me for Smiths Artwork. Joyce made a further claim for 25% of all Smiths t-shirts sold during the '83 to '87 period, even though there was no evidence that any royalty for t-shirts had been received by either myself or Johnny Marr.

10. In legal fees alone, Joyce has cost me 600 thousand pounds - this is quite apart from any payments made to him, and is quite apart from any money seized by him. In total, Joyce has cost me 1 million, 515 thousand pounds. This is an approximate figure - it could even be higher.

11. The Joyce action is continuous. Because of his Default Judgment he continues to take my royalties, and the royalties of others mentioned above, from Warner Music - consequently I have not received record royalties since 2001.

12. Since 2001, the money claimed by Joyce is charged, to me, at 100 pounds a day in interest.

13. During the Smiths' lifetime, when Joyce willingly took a 10% royalty, he did not contribute towards any expenses of any kind, did not take on any Partnership duties or responsibilities, and he received his 10% as gross earnings.

The point I wish to make is this: Joyce is not poor, unless, living as he does in the Cheshire green-belt, he lives beyond his means. Somehow, he appears to believe that he should have equal financial status to both myself and to Johnny Marr, even though Joyce has done dramatically less than Johnny and I to attain the positions we now have.

Joyce is not poor because of one reason - me. His career now is the fictitious position of an unpaid ex-member of the Smiths. He has also pursued all of his claims on Legal Aid.

I don't make this statement in search of sympathy from anyone, but I wish that the people at MorrisseySoLow who support Joyce would at least get their facts right before they say anything. Even with his 10% share, Joyce was wealthy. Now, he is extremely wealthy.

What more does he want?

I have fought the Joyce action as much as I could over the years, but the simple truth is that, under British law, the word of a judge will not be overturned. In the absence of any evidence from the 1980s, the judge in this case relied upon the Partnership Act of 1890 to help Joyce win his claim. Joyce has exploited the judge's final verdict in order to get as much as he can from me, from Johnny Marr, and also from Andy Rourke.

Finally, Joyce does not have the legal right to sell unreleased Smiths material - it belongs to Warner Music. Joyce did not pay for the recording time under which any demo material was recorded. Furthermore, Joyce cannot sell any unreleased work by Johnny Marr or Andy Rourke without, at very least, their permission.

Thanks for reading this,
MORRISSEY."

The whole thing is a little too nostalgic to the whole Jello Biafra vs. The Dead Kennedy's thing. On both points, I'm leaning more toward the frontmen--Morrissey, while not having the greatest solo career, is being worked over by a guy who quit the band. Jello is being worked over by the band that left him. Go figure.

Oboy! Thursday.

2005-12-09T04:22:00.000Z
F.e.a.r.

So, I've been seeing a lot of ads for this game, F.E.A.R. (First Encounter Assault Recon). Check out the trailer. I'm not really one for video games. Sure, I've played my fair share of Final Fantasy VI, Super Mario 3, Pokemon, and Tetris, but I wouldn't really call myself a video gamer. I played and beat Half Life back in the day, and was addicted to WoW for a long time.

But those ads hit me in the right place. I'm a big fan of scares, and I loved the Resident Evil games. I've seen my share of horror films. So it just made sense to try this game out.

And so I did.

And it's fucking creepy. I wouldn't say it's amazingly scary, but it knows how to throw its weight around. From gore to little girls, this has all the things that'll haunt your dreams.

Check it out.

Ellis finally gets a movie

Finally, novelist Bret Easton Ellis gets one of his novels optioned for a film.

This never happens. No. Seriously.

Okay, it should be said that Ellis' books have never made a poor movie translation; all the above films are films I would buy and own until the day I die if I had the money. Particularly Rules and Psycho.

Ellis has, for a long time running, been one of my favorite modern novelists. For good reason; he crafts terrifying moralist tales featuring protagonists you can't stand. All while writing the most precise, sharp prose. Here's a review I wrote for the novel in question, which can be found on Amazon.com (I needed them to stop recommending me shitty books):

Bret Easton Ellis is, at his core, a moralist. And, due to this, all of his stories are true terror tales; this just happens to be the first one that's marketed as such.

And, again, he returns to his best--creating a protagonist you cannot like, with horrible traits and an anti-social demeanor. The only difference here is that the unlikeable protagonist turns out to be Bret himself, living a terribly quaint suburbian life with his terribly quaint suburban family; his wife, a model/actress, is the only part of the family who doesn't quite fit the normal role of 50's era family-hood; she's a jetsetter, though that's the only difference; she still fixes breakfast and readies her kids for school.

Perhaps the most disturbing part of the novel is that it's not a novel about Bret being scared at all; it's a novel about fathers and sons, lost chances, and the inability to predict an outcome. Plus, there are some pretty terrifying moments relating to the Terby (a Furby-ish doll that belongs to Bret's fictitious daughter), lights, and the family dog.

I wouldn't rate this at the top of Ellis' writings, and I also wouldn't start reading here, if you're new to Ellis. This isn't his strongest work yet, though it is his most off-the-wall and mature book. Start with either The Rules of Attraction or The Informers, which will give you more of a sense of his prosaic style.

33 1/3 has a blog

The 33 1/3 series is a fantastic set of mini-books centered around the concept of writing about albums. I started with Colin Meloy's book about the Replacement's album Let it Be, and was both surprised at the fulfillment of the series' concept as well as Colin's brisk, fantastic writing; I purchased the album to go with the book and ended up falling in love with it. Just today, I received my copy of Kim Cooper's book on an album that I already consider one of my favorite albums of all time, Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. I'm excited to start it, as Kim Cooper is less of a story-teller than Colin Meloy (who spent his book telling the tale of how he fell in love with music; a sort of about the album by-way-of memoir). She's more a journalist; her fanzine Scram has been going on for years. I expect that this will be more about the band in question than anything else (which suits me fine, because NMH has never been that well documented).

A while back I found out that the series has its very own blog where you can follow up on their development and see what's coming next. Check it out, yo.

A Roboty X-Mas

2005-12-08T07:47:00.000Z
Turns out that Kid Robot also has some holiday gift packs filled with all sorts of tasty treats. My personal favorites are the Mega Mini-Figure set, the plush pack. And, of course, you could always go for the standard gift certificate, though a few might be in order. Some of this stuff is pricey.

Some cheery webstuffs.

2005-12-08T07:17:00.000Z
The Elected to release new album

The Elected have announced a new album to be released in January on SubPop. You can pre-order it from Amazon now, but not from SubPop.

Don't forget their first release, Me First.

The Elected is Blake from Rilo Kiley and his cohorts.

-.-

Bill Amend's Website
Turns out that good ol' Bill Amend, creator of long-running (and personal syndicated fave) comic-strip Fox Trot has his own personal website. I suppose that it's only exciting to the guys and gals who are real cartooning nerds, but Bill has some interesting things on there, like cell phone wallpapers, an interview with some guys about his WoW addiction, and some pretty interesting fanart.

-.-

Suicide Girls X-Mas
Suicide Girls has posted some handy gift packs at their store sure to please anyone on your list with pretty young alt-models in the buff.